Saturday, November 16, 2013

16 November 2013: Saturday ... he needed help sitting up in the bed, I wept in a call to Doug, played "Four Last Songs" and wrote a "gift" post to my dad on FB ... extensive responses

An addendum for yesterday's post: Liz bought a bed for Dancer and my gracious did she take to it like a duck to water. She loved it from the get go. Thus, this image that I took last night when I put her to bed:
Photo: Dancer settled into her new bed, courtesy of her loving cousin, who calls her "Princess" and wants to kidnap her back to her home in Connecticut (no way it's happening), without pause last evening. I think she likes it.



Here it comes, it's lengthy and the comments are tear jerking and oh so caring. I am so fortunate to have such FB friends who want to share with me in my time of need.

I called Doug and shed tears and I talked to a hospice care nurse on duty who gave me pause and support and told me that he wasn't ready yet. He'd eaten and he was conversant, but we did have a bath, which I suggested after he shaved (and he chastised me for not helping him with it ... I had to get mom her breakfast), but I tried to shave him in the bath as I washed his back and I unfortunately caught his chin and we spent a good chunk of time with the styptic pencil to staunch the flow, which we did, but I got to shampoo his little hair and then use the shaving bowl to pour water over his head, repeatedly. He accepted it -- I think, gratefully, as I am sure it felt nice.


Would it be a gift for my father to die on my birthday? I have no idea, but I don't want him to suffer and after reading the immense, calming beauty of the poems that Richard Strauss set to music at age 84, I feel, well, maybe not better but working toward peace. That's what I want my dad to have ... peace.

And that would be the greatest gift imaginable.
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  • Claudia Boldt McIntyre This must be so hard! But I agree, loved ones often hang on because we are not willing to let them go. Peace sounds like what they deserve after a long lived life, especially when in pain!
    6 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 3
  • Rudy Nyhoff Thank you Claudia ... your words strike a chord of compassion and concern.
    6 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Lyn Hammond Dennison Thinking of you and your mom and dad as you approach this transition.
    6 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Mary Evelyn Lewis I feel the same way about my dad. Even though both my parents are in a nursing home and sometimes don't even know each other, I think he is holding on because he thinks he has to "take care" of mother. Heartbreaking.
    6 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Cindy Gooding Cotler Rudy, My Dad died on my birthday, with me by his side, and although I may not be as philosophical as you are, I look at it as though it was just one more thing that brought us closer together. We had a great father - daughter relationship and I see it as the beautiful "icing on the cake". I wish your dad peace.
    5 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 2
  • Rudy Nyhoff Thank you Cindy ... we are sharing, as I type this response to your wonderful words, the "Four Last Songs" by Strauss song by Renee Fleming. He is calm and enjoying the music. Thanks again.
    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Susan Louth "Please God, take Dr. Nyhoff into Your gentle hands and relieve him of this pain. As he has done for so many of Your children, we beg You for Your mercy on this ever giving Soul." Amen. Much love and prayers to the Nyhoff family.
    5 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Rudy Nyhoff That is so sweet and soothing as the voice of Renee Fleming soars in the final song of Strauss' "Four Last Songs" and my dad hums to the melody.
    5 hours ago · Like · 2
  • Karen Shields Godspeed, Dr. Nyhoff.
    5 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • Rudy Nyhoff Thank you Karen ... he is at peace as he listens and talks about Strauss' thoughts in his final work ... not to be too dramatic, he is still with us and as the song closes with the magical sound of the flutes ... he says "gorgeous".
    5 hours ago · Like · 2
  • Karen Shields Full of Grace.
    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Don Edwards Sometimes we forget that they often are waiting for our permission. It was especially true with both of Jan's parents. It's exhausting and painful for both loved ones and the person needing the permission. There are lots of ways to say it.
    5 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • Rudy Nyhoff Thanks Don ... he has mine, wholeheartedly.
  • Regina DePace Claudia is so right about loved ones hanging on for us. On my mother's last day we were all called to the ER, the doctor was explaining what they could do that might work (but probably wouldn't). My mother is a nurse, and I now realize that she went through having a tube in her neck that afternoon because of the look on my face when the doctor asked her if she wanted to do it or just let things happen naturally. She would not give up because she did not want to let us down. The strongest person I will ever know.
    4 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • Rudy Nyhoff Thank you for sharing that Regina. I'm certain it was such a soul-searching decision but knowing that your mother was a fighter makes the decision all the more affecting.
    4 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Sue Peterson Smith The sweetest thing is that, although you struggle through this, your hopes are purely for your dad and not for yourself. You are a blessing to your parents in so many ways.
    4 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 3
  • Margaret Sargent Meyers My thoughts are with you, Rudy. I was by my father's side when he died, and it was a true blessing and a privilege to be with him through that process. Peace be with you and your family.
    4 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 2
  • Pat DeLuca Thornton Wishing peace for you, your dad and your mom.
    3 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Christina Johanningmeier Your thoughts have been a gift to all of us, Rudy. Your grace is inspiring. Wishing peace for you and your parents.
    3 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Bob Radke I couldn't think of anything more to add to the thoughts of these good friends of yours. You are a strong and loving son. God bless you and your family.
    3 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Patti Steen-Carnevale Rudy thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May God Bless you all.
    3 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Charla Larrimore Your parents have been blessed to have you in their lives. May the love you share give you strength and comfort.
    3 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Harriet C. Brantley What a tough time you are going through. I'm so sorry. It is difficult to know what is coming next. I did want you to know that Peggy Williams has just been admitted to the brand new Althimers Unit at Brandon Wylde. Her condition has deteriorated rapidly in the last few months. Another story of sadness and love. Blessings to you.
    3 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Rudy Nyhoff So many blessings and mentions of God (and I use the upper case purposefully in this response to utter and total love shown by my FB friends) to an "agnostic humanist" and his avowedly "atheist" father and yet, I feel no animus at all, only the love of fellow human beings, caring for another person they may never have met. Bless you, all of you, for your divine thoughts.
    3 hours ago · Like · 5
  • Regina DePace I love that term "agnostic humanist" Never quite know how to describe myself to others.
    2 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Rudy Nyhoff You are so kind Harriet, a more "true blue" FB friend could not be imagined. You take a real interest in my posts and thus, in me, and I am honored. So sorry to hear about your friend Peggy but with support like yours, I would bet that her loved ones are equally strengthened by your care and loving compassion.
  • Cindy Aiman Stimeck Thinking of you and your family. I was given the gift of being with my dad during his final hours. Knowing he was comfortable was such a good feeling for me to have and hold close. It was just the two of us. Twenty two years earlier mom realized that there was not going to be a miracle for her. My birthday was four days later. She never told me any if this. A dear friend if hers told me later that she didn't want to 'leave' prior to that specific day thinking only of me. What a special mom! I last saw her on my birthday, at the hospital. The call came the next morning. I would have stayed all night had I known. Of course she didn't want that for me. Her journey was a long one. 
    So glad your dad is having a peaceful, music and live filled journey. Hoping you feel love and peace surrounding you, too.
    2 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Barry Garman You refer to the "Four Last Songs?" What sublime settings!
    2 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Rudy Nyhoff They are welling, dear Cindy, my tear ducts at your amazing sharing. Your mom, I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER for her absolute and utter love of all living things. She was such a generous and beautiful spirit. And being with your dad, the lover of our winged companions and the model railroad enthusiast, such a reserved but still passionate person. Regarding that feeling of love and peace from you and so many who have shared in this post, yes, it is present, powerfully present and as Elisabeth Schartzkopf sings Mozart and dad rests, eyes closed, on the couch, I realize that I have to change the record. Darn these LPs ... thank you for your thoughts, they are so, so meaningful, a gift for the ages.
  • Stacy Hunnicutt Heath Praying for peace for you and your parents.
    2 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • Ann Mitchell Thrash Prayers for you and your family, Rudy!
    2 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Loyd Dillon What a tender and moving tribute to your dad, Rudy...and therefore to YOU. You are being a good and loving son. Peace.
  • Rudy Nyhoff Thank you Loyd ... coming from you, well, enough said.
    38 minutes ago · Like · 1


From the Wikipedia link to the "Four Last Songs", the poems and their translations:

1. "Frühling"[edit]

("Spring") (Text: Hermann Hesse)
In dämmrigen Grüften
träumte ich lang
von deinen Bäumen und blauen Lüften,
Von deinem Duft und Vogelsang.
Nun liegst du erschlossen
In Gleiß und Zier
von Licht übergossen
wie ein Wunder vor mir.
Du kennst mich wieder,
du lockst mich zart,
es zittert durch all meine Glieder
deine selige Gegenwart!
In shadowy crypts
I dreamt long
of your trees and blue skies,
of your fragrance and birdsong.
Now you appear
in all your finery,
drenched in light
like a miracle before me.
You recognize me,
you entice me tenderly.
All my limbs tremble at
your blessed presence!
Composed: July 20, 1948

2. "September"[edit]

(Text: Hermann Hesse)
Der Garten trauert,
kühl sinkt in die Blumen der Regen.
Der Sommer schauert
still seinem Ende entgegen.
Golden tropft Blatt um Blatt
nieder vom hohen Akazienbaum.
Sommer lächelt erstaunt und matt
In den sterbenden Gartentraum.
Lange noch bei den Rosen
bleibt er stehn, sehnt sich nach Ruh.
Langsam tut er
die müdgeword'nen Augen zu.
The garden is in mourning.
Cool rain seeps into the flowers.
Summertime shudders,
quietly awaiting his end.
Golden leaf after leaf falls
from the tall acacia tree.
Summer smiles, astonished and feeble,
at his dying dream of a garden.
For just a while he tarries
beside the roses, yearning for repose.
Slowly he closes
his weary eyes.
Composed: September 20, 1948

3. "Beim Schlafengehen"[edit]

("Going to sleep") (Text: Hermann Hesse)
Nun der Tag mich müd gemacht,
soll mein sehnliches Verlangen
freundlich die gestirnte Nacht
wie ein müdes Kind empfangen.
Hände, laßt von allem Tun
Stirn, vergiß du alles Denken,
Alle meine Sinne nun
wollen sich in Schlummer senken.
Und die Seele unbewacht
will in freien Flügen schweben,
um im Zauberkreis der Nacht
tief und tausendfach zu leben.
Now that I am wearied of the day,
my ardent desire shall happily receive
the starry night
like a sleepy child.
Hands, stop all your work.
Brow, forget all your thinking.
All my senses now
yearn to sink into slumber.
And my unfettered soul
wishes to soar up freely
into night's magic sphere
to live there deeply and thousandfold.
Composed: August 4, 1948

4. "Im Abendrot"[edit]

("At sunset") (Text: Joseph von Eichendorff)
Wir sind durch Not und Freude
gegangen Hand in Hand;
vom Wandern ruhen wir
nun überm stillen Land.
Rings sich die Täler neigen,
es dunkelt schon die Luft.
Zwei Lerchen nur noch steigen
nachträumend in den Duft.
Tritt her und laß sie schwirren,
bald ist es Schlafenszeit.
Daß wir uns nicht verirren
in dieser Einsamkeit.
O weiter, stiller Friede!
So tief im Abendrot.
Wie sind wir wandermüde--
Ist dies etwa der Tod?
We have through sorrow and joy
gone hand in hand;
From our wanderings, let's now rest
in this quiet land.
Around us, the valleys bow
as the sun goes down.
Two larks soar upwards
dreamily into the light air.
Come close, and let them fly.
Soon it will be time for sleep.
Let's not lose our way
in this solitude.
O vast, tranquil peace,
so deep in the evening's glow!
How weary we are of wandering---
Is this perhaps death?
Composed: May 6, 1948


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