23 September 2014: Tuesday ... 20 days since ... Why? ... watching Netflix movies ... caring for mom ... stuck in house ... Dr. Maged today ... First Day of Fall 2014

A gorgeous, chill, sunlit day today as Mom just yelled to me this midday, as she does on occasion and I'm watching Netflix with my earphones on, and initially, I am perturbed, but she told me that a nurse was arriving soon to see her. Did not get her name but the door is open on this crystalline-blue first day of fall in Delaware in the home, that is not mine, and where I feel imprisoned because that is my decision.

  

        Silver Linings Playbook with Jennifer                   Brad Pitt, starred in the zombie flick,
Lawrence, who won Oscar for role, and Bradley           World War Z, quite a decent film with superb 
Cooper in 2012, in a painting renderings of the end       special effects.
of the film where their love is expressed.                          

Leslie, a new nurse, young, petite and married, is here at this time (1:01 p.m .) checking mom. As all the other personnel from Delaware Hospice, she is thorough and professional and engaging. They were laughing a few moments before I typed these words. It feels good to be at least making an attempt to record feelings and events in my life. About 2 hours from leaving for my appointment with Dr. Maged, who is my named provider through Delaware Care. (I have it mentioned with the numbers for the service on my phone.)

The visit to Dr. Maged was so worthwhile. He's a listener and he provided me options and feedback that made me feel whole when I left. I'll have blood levels taken (after a 12-hour fast) in the morning and I've already secured medication for my mood swings from Pathmark this afternoon, which after presenting my Delaware insurance card, cost me a total of $1, after Divya reconfigured the amount.

My relationship, the physical one by necessity, with mom reached a new level today when I did what she did to me when I was a baby. I wiped her bottom with a washcloth and you just have to get over it and deal with it and not be embarrassed by it. There are needs and one just has to get on with it. I did and she did and we moved on.

I phoned my new and developing girlfriend (for wont of a better term), Peg, today about my appointment and I had a welcome ear. She listens, much like my doctor, and she is responsive to the needs of others and she provides solace and answers to life's challenges. She is a remarkable person who I am very fortunate to have got to know, whether through her guiles to mom-sit or not, it has been in that word often forsaken by UUs, a "godsend" in my life at present. Thank you Peg for being there for me and my mother. You have the heart of gold and a steel determination and wealth of knowledge and experience. I am lucky to be able to share in its bounty. 

23 June 2014: Monday ... 6 a.m. Body Pump (sole male) ... H&B plumbing (Nate) ... financial appt Steve McDermott ... **Tim Gibbs**, 55, Ex. Dir. Delaware Academy of Medicine call ...

Just completed a revelatory, wonderful phone call from Tim Gibbs, Ex. Director of the Delaware Academy of Medicine and now, as of November 2013, the Delaware Public Health Association, as the two have merged. 

2 June 2014: Monday ... great talk with Helena after BodyPump ... Japanese Reiki ...

Helena Mills (I found her FB page) is a second level Reiki practitioner, her mother is a 3rd level, and she shared that with me today after her, as usual, superlative Body Pump class with an amazing 3, count'em, three men in the class. Got to do it next to a favorite of mine, the tiny but tenacious Danielle. She is dynamite in strength and in looks, I might add. Just a doll. Helena is here on a green card working for J. P. Morgan. I kidded that working part-time at the Y and being the CEO of J. P. Morgan must put a crimp in your time. She went with the joke or maybe it wasn't a joke. She probably has a big-time job with them. She did tell me a sad note that her fiance died about 5 years ago. I didn't query how.

Had the opportunity and the luck to meet the founder of the Delaware Children's Theatre, a Marie Swajeski, at the nursing home we performed in this evening off Foulk Road. She is an absolute delight and I found a YouTube video thanking her her contribution to "1000s" of youth at a dinner celebration.

 

21 May 2014: Wednesday ...

                                                            Early morning selfie with Dancer.

A like-minded spirit? We shall see. She lives in Princeton and teaches HS English.

Involved day that I felt connected to and it began at the Y when I did not make cycling but worked out to start in the exercise room and the stretching area where I saw Jamie Kegerise and where I worked up a sweat with the medicine ball, moving it around my torso and legs like a basketball, and then doing 20 minutes on the Expresso HD before 9 a.m. and then got ready for Body Pump with Amy, a full house, with a good contingent of males, one of whom I kidded because he looks like Novak Djokovic and I congratulated him on winning the Italian Open over Nadal and dedicating the win to his home country of Serbia which is undergoing terrible floods. The workout was good ... I soaked by blue t-shirt from Shepeard Blood Center, one of many. I just love working out there and meeting so many incredible people.

On a purely serendipitous note that almost makes me question the existence of a higher power, I was responding to an e-mail sent from Christine who commented that she did recognize the young lady, Anne, and wondered if she had a brain injury. As I started to write, who walks up but John, the fellow that has nicknamed me "Mr. Grimace" and has obviously some motor and physical issues. Well, he suffered a significant brain trauma in a, you guessed it, car accident where he was, in his words: "In a coma from Halloween till Thanksgiving when I smelled the turkey and woke up." We talked and I shared my history of brain trauma and surgery and even had him feel the scar under my hairline where the craniotomy took place. Just incredible timing. I sent several e-mails to my yoga teacher, who I appreciate wholeheartedly, and it's so nice that she responds to my writing, which tends to be excessive. Hers is concise, mine wordy, but I feel like our friendship is growing. Tonight, as I walked Dancer around the neighborhood for a little over two-mile walk (and spoke to Doug, too), almost gave her an actual phone call to talk about my sense of serendipity. But I did not. Don't really want to impose.    

At home, the claim adjuster, Dan Hathaway, arrived early. Young and qualified he did an able and correct assessment of the damage. It will run, he estimated, about $ 2,000 - 2,500 to repair (replace the plaster/wallboard section damaged by water and repaint the entire ceiling). It is all an ongoing process.

7 March 2014: First Friday ... two workouts & sauna this AM (spinning and then Body Pump) ... the Art Loop in Downtown Wilmington (a first for me with Katia) ...

My only pic of you during our downtown perambulation on First Friday for Wilmington's Art Loop.
I believe we were at the Loma realty offices on Market Street.

27 February 2014: Thursday ... brilliant day but chill ... crescent moon and brilliant planet (?) this am in the eastern sky ... bday of Marion Anderson (1897) ... busy day with 800 calls but A LOT done ...

Today is the birthday of the famed contralto Marion Anderson, a fact elucidated by the keen intellect and FB aficionado, Loyd Dillon  (he texted me this evening after attending a tribute concert to Pete Seeger and spoke of the "religious experience" of listening to great artists, "Especially if we go back to the original meaning of the word "religion" -- a "binding together"). We exchanged some pleasantries as I mentioned her connection to dad's musical god Arturo Toscanini and how the maestro thought her voice "once in a century" quality. I even found a quotes page on the web site to the contralto with that particular quote listed. 

Two, for a second time, group exercises today. Both were new to me. BodyVive in the morning with a new instructor for me, Pamela, where we worked out with stretch bands (I took one to taught and paid a price, they were difficult to stretch during the strength portion of the workout) and BodyAttack with the incomparable Renee who really gets you moving with a splendid exercise that she totally invests herself into and I felt, on my first go-round with the moves, totally out of synch with the music and my lack of timing. But I did sweat and feel total exhaustion. Afterward, had a great conversation with a splendid person and trainer, Carla, who I've taken BodyPump with on several occasions. She took the class with Renee and she is a former special ed teacher and is an RN, who worked in med/surg at Christiana for about 7 years before she had three kids -- two boys (one in college, the other HS) and a girl (13 years old). She is so dynamic and funny and just full of energy and warmth. She'd just gotten over a bout of illness and had missed teaching on Monday. I will have to get back to her class and develop this friendship. Out of a sense of comfort, I told her about meeting Katia and my date with her on Sunday. She is just someone you feel you can confide.
A few important and overdue 800 calls made today were rewarding. To summarize, quickly: called Bank of America credit card and cancelled dad's and got mom to call and request a detailed transaction list for 2013 and the taxes (in particular, what dad spent on prescriptions since he used his credit card at Pathmark and Walmart for his expensive insulin and other drugs for mom ... it could be quite significant ... it will cost a little less than $10 for the report, mom said put it on her credit card, which is still good through August of this year);  called Delaware Health and Social Service and now have Delaware Physicians, Inc. as my selected provider and I was able to choose Dr. David Maged as my preferred physician (he is on that service) ... it will start in early April and in the meantime, if I need medical treatment, I can use Medicaid (if I can find a physician, according to my doctor brother -- no sub-specialties in the Atlanta area accept Medicaid but it might be different for primary care); and called AAA and when I renew, I can change my club status from the Carolinas to the Delaware Chapter of the automobile association. It was a welcome and needed set of calls and it all worked out, thankfully.
       

23 February 2014: Sunday ... WDAV.org on the iPhone ... coffee (he bought at Pathmark as I cycled at Y) wafting up from downstairs (Doug up early) at 4:48 a.m. ... UU Choirs assemble, Greg Pelley does sermon (dividing walls) ... Katia there, presentation at DBI tomorrow

Katia Sol-Church will be giving presentation at the Delaware Biotechnology Institute tomorrow afternoon. Unfortunately, it's a new group and she'd rather I attended other seminars at the Nemours Institute, which are open to the public, and which she will keep me posted.

Today was bow tie day and Gordon wore one (A CLIP-ON!!!) but I could not tie mine even though I brought it with me, purchased from J. C. Penney's yesterday for $25.00 (ouch), but better than $54.50 from the high-priced clothier (name eludes me) and its dewy-eyed vixen of a salesgirl. There was talk-back with our new, interim minister and talk of going to Anthony's Pizza afterward but I headed home to Doug and mom and no conversation and warmed up lasagna (pretty good). My brother left at 2 p.m., promptly, for the airport and his flight home.  

6 February 2014: Thursday (Donderdag, Jeudi, torstai) ... paperwork started for Medicaid (wait 4-5 weeks) ... Mom scares me, phone volume down ... renewed CD & Yoga book online to 2/27/14 ... read from iBook: Crime & Punishment ... Gerrit & Marli came over for a visit this afternoon ...

Always loved this photo that I took of dad with one of Gail's horses (Jascha, Sherlock, or Wyatt Earp????) when we visited with Doug and Liz last year. Not sure of specific date but it was in early 2013, I think. 

31 January 2014: Friday ...

First group fitness class on the bike and it was challenging and sweating experience that took a lot out of me but was well worth it. Need to bring a towel and water the next time I do the class and set my seat forward a little bit, but overall, a good experience. 

 World Cafe Live at The Queen: A small ensemble, the same instruments used by Igor Stravinsky
in his piece, "A Soldier's Tale", played the first piece for the concert
by instrumentalists of the Delaware Symphony Orchestra directed by
David Amado. In "Dead Elvis", composed by Michael Daugherty, the principal bassoonist of the
DSO, 55-year-old Jon Gaarder, took on the mantle of "The King"
and played exuberantly, one tune in particular, the "Dies Irae" of the
Latin Mass, an allusion to the Hell and Heaven battle that occurs with
some individuals, particularly Faust and in this case, Elvis Presley. 

30 January 2014: Thursday ... chill, sunlit shadows of moi-meme et mon chien a Facebook ... sand vacuuming in waiting room ... oil burner off ... onto yoga with mat ... mom has ski hat on for chill

A new approach to the blog ... 5 events listed, at least, during the day as a way of remembering what went on, much like listing 5 things that you are thankful for, an idea proposed at a Church service some weeks ago and done on a "few" occasions:

1. We ran out of fuel oil this morning and the burner quit. I tried the restart button, which you should press only once, and it started only to quit a few moments later. Called Shellhorn and Hill and they arrived posthaste that morning (had planned on yoga but never made it) and discovered the paucity of the black stuff, which is in short supply. They only gave us 100 gallons last fill-up and wrote on the slip ("not full" or something to that effect). Well, within hours and we had about 5 as the technician put 5 gallons into the tank (they keep a supply of 70 gallons on their truck for just such occasions) and you get about an hour for each gallon, he said, the filling truck arrived and gave us the oil we needed and we are back to 70 degrees. We were down to about 60 degrees and I had a ski hat on mom, which pushed her hair in all contorted directions when she removed it later (amusing).
   
2. Traci, a Delaware Hospice RN, called on her way back from Dover to say that she'd be by to get blood from mom. She did and mom enjoyed, as she does all who visit her to care for her (and the DH people do care and enjoy talking with mom), the visit. The blood will go to LabCorp but I guess the days of seeing Lisa, mostly, are over. Also, she'll get her blood drawn every two weeks and not every week. Traci had a couple of years under her belt at DH but worked as an ER nurse at Christiana Hospital for 11 years where she saw patients die from a gunshot would to the leg. Cannot imagine what she encountered in that venue of medical trauma.
   
3.  

10 January 2014: Friday ... sleety, slippery this morning as I let Dancer out ... will warm up to low 40s ... omelette maker in the making ... Skeesha, Hospice CNA, arrives ...

The day is grey and sleety and slippery as I walk outside, in my dad's slippers, to give Dancer her morning bathroom break. It is after 7, so the sun is up but it is a bit dismal. Today is Jean Rahaim's 58th birthday and I did wish her wonderful one on Facebook.

It is the day that Skeesha, a CNA from Delaware Hospice, arrived in the early afternoon and got acquainted with mom almost instantaneously and she is bathing her as I type this and there is a total comfort factor. Mom is at ease and loves the physical attention from a highly skilled person, who went straight to the closet and found what she needed. I remember her from her stopping by to deliver some breathing supplies for dad maybe two months ago. She was waiting in the driveway in the dimming light, so patient as I arrived after a trip to Pathmark, I believe, but it was a serendipitous arrival and allowed me to get a vital item for dad's oxygenator. She is a delightful person. 

I asked to take a picture of the two of them and got this picture on the bed and sent it to Doug. I did ask beforehand and Skeesha was more than willing. Mom was happy in this photo even though she looks a bit glum. She was purty and smelling good, in fact, as I type this I can smell the aroma of bath powder wafting into the television room all the way down the hall and up the stairs. It is distinctive and appealing. On a sober note, Skeesha just lost her Jamaican father. She is one of 11 children, six of whom are full blood siblings. I don't believe her father ever married her mother. She has siblings in England where he lived for a time. They are working to ship the body to Jamaica and have the funeral there, although there will be a service here in Delaware. Skeesha is hoping to be able to make it down to the Caribbean nation with her two children.  

Am listening to, and getting a heads up on the concert tomorrow with Serafin Quartet, on the Mendelssohn Quartet No. 1, Opus 12 with the music being flashed up on the screen as the playing progresses. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHgkyhh4S8I 

Felix Mendelssohn

Born: Feb­ru­a­ry 3, 1809, Ham­burg, Ger­ma­ny.

Died: No­vem­ber, 4, 1847, Leip­zig, Ger­ma­ny.

Just finished 33 minute workout on the elliptical -- Octane Express -- and wound up short of 5 miles at 4.97 with an avg. heart rate of 125 and maximum of 150.

I really like this machine at the Western "Y". 

Listened to a tried and true sales spiel, once again, only this time it was refined for the digital age -- a conference call and a web presentation. Pretty slick. A smooth, continuous talking sales rep went on for over 20 minutes and then hit you with the amount that removing, in "perpetuity", the maintenance fees from our time shares would cost for our unit, which came to over $800 this year, would be over $4,000 dollars. A call afterward from a slick and oily friendly salesperson, Kathleen Nichols (310-584-8409), who represents the company Interval Relief, promised a lower price but I said no go currently and had to speak to my ex-. She put me on her calendar to call back in May. I said fine. 

While on the net, I got industrious and finally logged onto my Chase Amazon Visa credit card site and got dad's checking account configured for payment. First had to remember the login -- it was in my Delicious bookmarking web site (a great site, by the way, they even have an overview of every site that I bookmarked over 2013 ... have not checked it entirely yet but could be enlightening and refreshing, memory wise) -- and then paid my bill, which included the aforementioned maintenance fees and the Nintendo Wii, for a total of over $1,100. Well, in the words of dad, it's paid for and I didn't delay any further. Good habits to remember from my dear father.

31 December 2013: Tuesday ... New Year's Eve ...

Sometime you have a day that is just dispiriting. I heard from no one today regarding a possible New Year's Eve get-together. I e-mailed, texted and voice mailed the Haymans' and have heard nothing. I did text Susan ... heard right back from her ... and Nick, heard from him next, and to Lindsay, finally heard from her. (Just heard a message vroooommm on my phone so perhaps and yes, it is Linda Lucero, who I texted earlier and did not hear from posthaste, like I usually do from her, but she writes ... "Yes. I hope you  have a wonderful happy new year as well!"

And finally, I had all the paperwork together and $40.00 bucks to get a Delaware license. The last time I'd gone I'd forgotten two pieces of mail with my home address but this time I remembered and handed to a former police officer, 6' 5", who played basketball and football in HS, but blew out his knee on the job and has had several surgeries. I think he got this desk job as a replacement but he goes 250. I'd mentioned that at 6' 0" and 200 I felt like a tiny fellow compared to some. There was employee walking in back of the worker who looked like a former NFL lineman. Just a big guy. 

The Flyers win tonight in Calgary, 4-1, and I think I'm going to bed before the ball drops on 2013 and signals the beginning of 2014. I'll touch up on this blog in the morning, 1/1/14. 

Earlier, prior to the Flyers' game, which started at 9 p.m., and after the NewsHour broadcast with Hari Sreenivasan, substituting for Gwenn Ifill and Judy Woodruff, I listened to an extraordinary piece composed for Yo-Yo Ma and conducted by Alan Gilbert. I wrote and posted this on FB thanks to a page from David Bianculli's TV Worth Watching web site, something I have mistakenly poo-pooed in the past when he's been on Terri Gross' Fresh Air:

Cellist Yo-Yo Ma and New York Philharmonic Director Alan Gilbert work well together ... this new piece was extraordinary, "Azul" by Osvaldo Golijov. Don't know if any other string player could pull it off with his genuine and heartfelt pizzazz. And with all its enthusiastic froth, there's no falsity in his playing. There were other players, two who handled, literally, various percussion instruments and a third who played the accordion, that made the work strange but engaging. All the musicians, played unbelievably, thanks in large part to Gilbert's conducting (he knew the difficult work cold) and of course, the faultless execution of Ma.
“Azul,” a cello concerto that Osvaldo Golijov wrote for Ma and the Boston Symphony two years ago.  The score did not find its true form until Golijov rewrote it a year later for another cellist, Alicia Weilerstein, inspired by her youthful passion.  ... Ma and Golijov are artists made for each other.  A composer of multiple personalities, Golijov has drawn his voice from the Argentina of his birth, his Eastern European roots, his Israeli education, and America, where he has chosen to live.  Golijov thinks in grand terms and then chaotically brings everything he knows to a project. “Azul” (blue in Spanish) is in four connected movements: “Paz Sulfurica” (“Sulfuric Peace”), “Silencio,” “Transit” and “Yrushalem” (Jerusalem).  Some of the imagery comes from Pablo Neruda’s poem "The Heights of Macchu Picchu."http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/culturemonster/2009/01/review-yo-yo-ma.html

I have washed, for the sake of mom, the blanket that dad had on him when he died over 3 weeks ago and removing it from the dryer it smelled particularly fresh and lovely. It keeps mom warm and though his smell may be gone, I can go around the corner, into the records room in dad's old office and inhale the clothing that hung in the living room closet for years. There he still exists and there are no plans to take those jackets and shirts to the cleaners. 

He would always align the pillows just so. Dad was a stickler in some respects.
He wanted it done right. The blanket stuck with him until the end and I just
washed it this evening and wrapped mom up in it to keep her warm. 

20 December 2013: Friday ... the day Mom was put on hospice ... shower/bath nirvana ... back washing ... called Bobbi Stenstrom ...

 

Today, it was celebrated with a Google Doodle (it was an ingenious crossword which I figured out with a lot of Web assistance), (actually tomorrow) is the 100th anniversary of the first Crossword Puzzle to appear in a newspaper in the United States. I just posted a piece on YouTube from CBS' Sunday Morning on the event ... very nice piece. I wrote in my post:

"Happy ***Centennial*** Crossword Puzzle and thank you Arthur Wynne, its creator, for publishing the first in the Sunday edition of The New York World on December 21st, 1913."

But today is the day that I called Delaware Hospice (the number is ensconced into my

 iPhone) and they responded, as always, quickly with a visit. This time by two RNs,

 Amanda and Oji (Nigerian), who both felt, unequivocally, that mom met all the criteria

for hospice care. Mom had no problem with the designation, it was actually a relief for

 all ... I've informed Doug, Susan, the kids, and even called Art Steele with the news. It

was the best choice and I will now have their invaluable assistance in her care. 

18 December 2013: Wednesday ... writing Thank Yous and listening to Beethoven by the Orford on CD (the first 5 of them) ...

It beats changing the record each time, even though they do sound sonically better, but putting in five CDs of the Orford String Quartet, who I just found out are Canadian, a favorite of my father and being able to listen for hours is a delight, especially when I am composing thank yous to the cards and then to the visitors (?) to the visitation.
 

Have moved on and am playing at this time (11:22 a.m.) the Brahms' Symphonies, the First is sounding right now, after the British National Anthem and the Tragic Overture, I was a little confused and thought this first movement of Beethoven's so-called "10th", also an overture. Go figure. These recordings were made in 1952 by Toscanini with the 6-year-old Philharmonia Orchestra. 

http://www.gramophone.co.uk/HallofFame/Toscanini/Review/Brahms

Just solved a minor dilemma about the initials of a name, D. A. Ramsey, on a address label for a condolence card. It is David A., who is the husband of Kaye, a nurse who worked for years with dad in the Employee Health Clinic at the Memorial Hospital and then the Christiana Hospital. They live fairly close by at 5426 Pinehurst Drive; Wilmington; 19808-2619. I will have to write them a Xmas card because she also came to the visitation. 

While Joe Brennan was talking to mom. He stopped by to wish his condolences as he'd learned of dad's passing from a search on the Web that brought him to his obituary. He spend some of his military service at Fort Gordon, head of the Army's signal corps, but he was in security, I think. Served 3 years. Showed him some photos of dad from years gone by and which were on display at the visitation. One that was not had dad as a baby in the arms of his mother. I iPhoned it and sent it to Facebook as Joe spoke with mom, who enjoyed his visit.

 
I am so amazed at the quality of reproduction for a tiny photo
in a weather-beaten frame from years past. The caption read:Rudolph Nijhoff held in the arms of his mother Hendrika circa 1928, Holland.

Dr. Maged called and the INR is whopping 5.9. He said to stop the Coumadin for three days and renew it at 2.5 mg per day, so that will be simpler. We also discussed her lethargy and her declining physical state. He said that she needs to move more and in the future, he mentioned tapering her off the high level of the opiates. I was honest with mom and told her the situation and I think she agrees that she needs to move more but is hesitant, make that resistant, to decreasing the level of her pain meds. "I need them," she says. And yes, she does but maybe not at the level she is currently at. I told her it was all in her head and she could have some measure of control over what she thought. We shall see.

Finally figured out how to post an album of photos on Facebook and now have 8 photos from the visitation up at this url, I think:

https://www.facebook.com/rnnyhoff/media_set?set=a.10152438069992656.1073741827.500927655&type=1&notif_t=like

   

        

   

Just sent link to the visitation album to Art Steele and he responded posthaste with a thank you. I could not post the album on his Timeline because he does not allow it in his preferences, but I just requested his cell and snail mail address and have not heard back from him in the last two minutes.

I got an e-mail from Susan about the Merry Christmas card, sent to me by Gerrit Stam, which I forwarded to her, and she mentioned the flights for the kids that Doug promised to pay for and whether I'd mentioned it to him and the book that she sent about the prodigal son and of course, the Time Share, and how we were doing in "the aftermath" and that she would be praying daily for us. I responded with a wry return and wrote short, pithy sentences. I don't know how to respond to her these days. (I need to message her with the link to the Visitation Album, which I will do, posthaste.)

8 December 2013: The day my father died. ~~ Dr. Rudolph Nyhoff (August 22, 1928 - December 8, 2013) ~~

Mom comes up the steps to begin the process of goodbye in the
early a.m. of Sunday, December 8, 2013, the day of dad's death. 

Kim, the RN on duty on the night shift, 12-8, at Delaware Hospice, came in the early morning to provide some medical assistance to our dying father and husband. She couldn't do much but she provided support and just coming out was such a help.



Not a few minutes after writing my "dying" post in reference to my father's distaste of snow and the fact that on this gloriously blissful snowfall, he was leaving this earth, I took this pic of Dancer in the snow and made my "Daily Dancer" post.



Joelle Essombe, LPN, from Cameroon, was at his bedside with mom and me when he passed at 2 p.m. She was not able to pronounce him as an RN has to do that and Kim, from the morning shift, came back with her kids in the car (Joelle went outside to watch them.) to do the paperwork on his death, a required document for the funeral home to pick up the body.


We used wash cloths, soaked in cold water, for dad's head. He would open his eyes on occasion, as he appears to be doing here and seem to respond to our words. Mom was yeoman in her holding the damp, chilly cloths on his forehead. His eyes are slightly open. He is aware. Just shortly before he breathed his last, Lindsay and Nick got to speak to him. He didn't speak but he heard.

It was unmistakable just a few minutes after he passed.
The essence of what made my father was gone. He died
at 2 p.m. on Sunday, December 8, 2013, roughly 85 years
and 106 days after entering this earth on August 22, 1928.


They'd been busy on this snowy day and the funeral employees of Mealey Funeral Home had already picked up two bodies and gotten stuck in the snow before they arrived in the late afternoon at 4546 Pickwick Drive and left with the body of my father, who went from his home of 50 years for the last time. Mom got to say goodbye with the assistance of these marvelous providers and hard working grieving professionals. The body was wrapped in a cloth and in a device they use to take bodies down from mountains. It hugged him securely. He was safe. Mom got to kiss him on the forehead with the able help of the Mealey employees before they put him on the stretcher and wheeled him out making tracks in the snow, down the front yard and into the dark van. The snow had stopped.  

4 December 2013: Wednesday ... the pill (Vicodin) is not "stultifying" ... there is a "pill hierarchy" says Beth Kincaid at 1:50 p.m., when it comes the point where he can't swallow properly ...

Five Things I Am Thankful For This Day ... Wednesday, 4 December 2013:

The use of the word "stultifying" ... to cause (someone or something) to become dull, slow ...

1. Delaware Hospice for all they do. Had a great visit from Beth Kincaid who talked and resolved problems posthaste for my father. Such a gift.
2. Credo phone service ... it appears that the new iPhone 4S will work out as I phoned some friends today and the service was fine.
3. Elaine Crawford, who is a caregiver like me and who always has a gentle, wonderful tone to her voice. Talked to her for the first time in over a month and it seemed like just yesterday. So nice to touch base again.
4. Melody, also from Delaware Hospice, who heads volunteer services for the business of care at the end of life and her promise to see about a sitter for my parents this Friday night when I attend a concert in Wilmington with Linda Lucero.
5. For my father's incredibly generous donation, his final one, to the annual educational fund of the Delaware Academy of Medicine of $500.00. I wrote down his name as a person to honor for the donation. Self-serving? No, he deserves this recognition.
   
   Visit of Beth Kincaid from Delaware Hospice this early afternoon ... many issues were discussed and handled, I felt, positively and quickly. 

• humidifier bottle for the oxygenator (for the irritation he feels in his nose) -- Skeesha from DH brought the bottle and the long nasal cannula (2X) that afternoon. (On Friday, she brought a connector for the hosing and parked in the driveway, front pointing toward Pickwick and was just ready to leave when I arrived from a trip to the bank -- new checks --, Pathmark -- my prescription and some food items -- and Bachetti's -- Am. cheese, liverwurst, and Virginia Baked ham, all 3/4 lb.)
• saline nose spray, help it feel less dry
• longer line for the oxygen, they might have one at the office that can be sent out
• need to get a pill dispenser ... did not have that on her person, said Beth 
• coughed up blood yesterday ... size of a quarter ... Is it happening on a daily basis? (no, not regular)
• timing is everything, if it's happening a lot or increasing in amount ... Is it time to take you off the plavix? We don't want there to be a bleeding problem. (hasn't reached that stage, yet ... plavix is for the boomerang stents in his legs)
• Request for a sitter this Friday evening through Delaware Hospice -- Melody Klein or Ralph Plumley, who are the volunteer coordinators -- Beth has already sent in the message. Ralph started in "bereavement" and is now heading the "volunteer" department. (I got a call within 10 minutes ... Beth pegged it when she said that the call, on our home phone, was from Melody. It was. She had a boyfriend in Limestone Acres and is married now with 6 kids, said Beth.) She told me that she would work on getting a volunteer sitter for this Friday evening. Just an amazing outfit this Delaware Hospice!!!
• How is the pain in your back this minute? He did not complain and has not, although, later, he did ask for 2 Vicodin, which I supplied more than willingly. 
• And he says that he's still handling the steps. (I did mention the falls at the top or bottom steps, 
• Regarding BMs, he says that he can still make the bathroom but that will change and we will be looking at a bedside commode. (Later, he came down the steps in a panic and did not quite make the toilet. It was formed stool but still nasty to clean up. Took the rug to the wash and cleaned up the toilet area with the spray cleaner and paper towels under the sink. There was also some on the light socket from his hand turning them on -- he had been reaching to extract stool with his fingers and I think he cleaned his hands thoroughly). 

Just mailed Dad's last check to the Delaware Academy of Medicine for its annual fund drive in the amount of $500.00. Initially, he said to send $100.00, but upped the amount when I went back up in the TV room at his request. It is, serendipitously, the last check in this set and the insert asked whether the donor wanted to remember or honor a certain person, I had the presumption but no, the privilege, of writing my father's name down: Dr. Rudolph Nyhoff.

It will be his last donation to the organization he treasured.

Delaware Academy of Medicine Beginning in 1968, more than a dozen artists produced original watercolor paintings under the brush surname 'Gray' - beginning at the same time Gray's Watercolors became the working company name. Prior to that time, originals were produced under a half-dozen names/brush names. Any print bearing the signature of Paul McConaughy, Paul Andrews, Peter Sawyer, David Gilbert, Jack Westridge, or Wayne Johnson can be dated between 1965 and 1968. 

What is this fascination I have with the numbers 1, 8, and 6 which form the number 186, my zeta number of my fraternity, Lambda-Beta, of the national Lambda Chi Alpha. Was it the 186th chapter, University of Delaware, of the national? I don't know. But tonight, using one of my favorite apps on my iPhone, Digifit, I went 1.86 miles when I reached 4546 Pickwick Drive at the time of 8:16 p.m. Coincidence? Certainly, but if I believed in the supernatural, what would be going on?

Well, the Flyers just scored on the power play against the Detroit Red Wings to tie the score in the first period and I go to watch on the wide, HD screen of my mother and say goodnight to my beloved father. It has been one day to remember. Glad to have been able to document at least some of it. 

30 October 2013: Wednesday, today is the appt. for Stephen Grubbs, oncologist, and possibly, fitting of new progressive glasses for dad ... we shall see

Big day today ... we have the appt w/Stephen Grubbs at HGCC at 11:20 and will try to make it to Delaware Ophthalmology in the Limestone Medical Center to have dad try his new progressive lenses. Should be interesting. He got up early today and I fed him first and he finished his Cream of Wheat and tea which I presented to him on a wooden serving platter that I found atop a stand (which I think I bought at K-Mart 3 years ago when I had an extended stay after dad's fall and eventual knee surgery) in the exam room of dad's old office. It seemed to work. No spillage, thankfully. 

      

              Helen F. Graham Cancer Center                                       Dr. Stephen Grubbs
        (Today is the 10th Anniversary of the Center -- big article in paper)

Good time to be seeing Dr. Grubbs as dad is having some facial swelling and a little slurred speech. He says the radiation did nothing to resolve the impinging on the superior vena cava and perhaps a stint might be called for. We shall see. 

Mom is listening to a podcast of Car Talk with Click 'n Clack, the Tappet Brothers, Tom and Ray Magliozzi, from the Good News Garage in Cambridge, MA, ... "My fair city ..." and she has my incomplete work on today's Crossword, which is tough.

Just finished a short post to Norma V. Nyhoff and looked up, thankfully, her zip + 4 to her apartment address in Duluth.

Had to post this on Facebook after my encounter with the dog-food buying lover of his recently deceased, prematurely, bulldog:

CHECKOUT EPIPHANY: Bare with me on this. At Pathmark, man buying dog food. No Pathmark card. Thinks food is on sale, it is not. Checkout clerk, young and willing to please, goes to see about price. I mention that to the man, "He's going to see about saving you some money", and he begins to tell me about his 3 dogs, now 2 since the untimely death of his beloved bulldog.

"Didn't expect him to die," he said. "I loved that dog so much." He went on to say that he expected an older dog with all kinds of age-related symptoms -- hearing and sight loss -- would die first. "We're not getting any more dogs after these two are gone," he said.

The transaction complete, he leaves the store and I will not see him, in all likelihood, ever again; and yet, he has left me with a touching story of love and loss that will remain. That's what I mean about the human(ism) touch. It is so exquisite and so powerful. 

Today is Jezibel Anat's birthday, seems auspicious on Mischief Day for a pagan/goddess/witch like herself ought to be born on the day before Halloween.

Spent some effective time calling Comcast and getting the signal back on the Vizio TV in mom's room. It has to be placed on "Component" and not HDMI 1 or 2 or TV or AV. We went round and round Robin Hood's barn but got it going with the customer rep, a young woman with an accent who got to the bottom of it, not necessitating a visit from a Comcast employee.
 

                

Dr. Stephen Grubbs, dad's oncologist, checks him out toward the end of our visit in the late morning of Wednesday, 30 October, 2013. The visit went well. He is an extraordinarily able and engaging doctor.

The decisions after looking at the CT scans and talking to dad were the following: (1) the tumor was stable, it had not grown significantly and even though the Superior Vena Cava was narrowed, it was not causing any serious problems; (2) dad will take risperdal, an anti-depressant, at night to effectuate better sleep; and (3)Delaware Hospice, an organization that Dr. Grubbs has been associated since its inception in the early 80s will call (indeed, has called already -- tomorrow, Thursday, 2 p.m., will come to our place for a first meeting) to get things rolling in the hospice department. 

         

Optician, not Jamie Horisk, who was at lunch, displays type, The Presbyopia Times, for dad to check out with his new lenses, a first for him of some 70 plus years. The initial results were not too positive but we have a week for him to get use to these progressives ... he did see well, distance-wise. 

Took a nap this afternoon, shortly before 4 p.m. and was listening to WDAV, the classical station out of Davidson College in Davidson, NC, when I heard that the next piece would be Mozart's 31st Symphony. I eagerly anticipated listening and then awoke at its conclusion ... RATS!!!!

The Symphony No. 31 in D major, K. 297/300a, better known as the Paris Symphony, is one of the more famous symphonies by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, written at age 22. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNQuYPGdqiI

Symphony No. 31 "Paris" in D major, K. 297/300a (1778):
1. Allegro assai
2. Andante
3. Allegro

Conductor - Nikolaus Harnoncourt
Wiener Philharmoniker
Musikvereinssaal Wien, 1984

Delaware Hospice has already called, a certain Mr. Dew (?), and made an appointment for Thursday, 2 p.m., at our home. Dr. Grubbs is a man of his word. He has gotten the ball rolling. 

   
16 Polly Drummond Shopping Center
Newark, DE
(302) 478-5707

http://www.delawarehospice.org/programs-services/hospice-care

Just noticed that Joe Jacobs, a nephrologist in the Philadelphia area, liked a photo of Doug petting Dancer with mom looking on from this past weekend. Sent him an extended FB message in my request for his FB friendship. Good to see his presence on the social media behemoth. 

               

This was a surprising FB IM from Brandy Brookshier. Arthur is going to send me a check for the amount that remains after repairs were made to his rental house on Pershing:

• Conversation started September 19, 2011
• 

  9/19, 11:45am

  Rudy Nyhoff

  I wanted you to know that you have been in my thoughts ever since Arthur told me about your pregnancy crisis. I wish you all the best and hope that the days, though perhaps tedious and long in the hospital, will bring you delight in knowing that you shall have a healthy, wonderful baby in the near future.

  Be well and take care, rudy
• Today
• 

  3:29pm

  Brandy Smith Brookshire

  I have a check to mail to you. What is your new address?
• 

  3:32pm

  Rudy Nyhoff

  What for? I gave Arthur my final check amount, in total, to cover repairs to the house on Pershing.

  How is he doin' Brandy, really?

  But if he wants to pay me, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth, I'll accept the money.

  My address: 4546 Pickwick Drive; Wilmington, DE. 19808-4239
• 

  5:08pm

  Brandy Smith Brookshire

  He subtracted the cost of repairs from the last check. The amount is for $140.00. He is doing a lot better now that he is off of the stronger pain medication. I think he is going to be fine except he is already antsy to get out of his room and outside.
• 

  5:13pm

  Rudy Nyhoff

  Please thank him, profusely, for me. He didn't need to do that math but he has always been a decent, upright, responsible individual ... why should he change? I appreciate him, immensely. So good to hear that he is progressing in the early recovery stages of this rotten accident, but he's got to be careful and he knows how to do that better than anyone.

  I hope he has the patience to heal, correctly. It's not going to happen overnight. Please give him my best and all the best to you and yours, Brandy, this can't be easy for you.

  Be so well and take care, rudy

Took Dancer for a walk down Limestone across the road, it's busy at this hour as night comes on, and went into deer country next and in back of Limestone Acres. Walked down into the woods and then made an ill-advised decision to go up the hill and hit thick thorn bushes and had to turn back and slowly make my way down (followed Dancer and that helped).

Made phone calls to immediate family and was successful in contacting all three ... got a text from Lindsay, who was at work; spoke to Nick, who just got back from Vegas (did not gamble because he had no money) and was at work; and finally, Susan, who was late to her church but gave me a few minutes to update her on dad, et al. It was a worthwhile walk of a little over 1.5 miles. A good way to conclude a wonderful day for dad but weatherwise, overcast, a little drizzly but still warm. Tomorrow we get to meet Delaware Hospice and new avenues open up in the care of my father in the last stage of his life.