29 July 2014: Tuesday ... Mom's 83rd birthday ... Christine's lesson of patience in yoga ... Nick's call ... NV's call ... Uncle Nick's call ... flowers from Acme ... a herd of deer by JDHS

The array of flowers and cards for Mom's birthday.


Mom poses behind orchids sent by Doug. 

It is so easy to break out of a routine and settle back into lethargy and renew that sense of incompetence. Yet, to learn patience -- represented so aptly by breathing in yoga and the focus of Christine's class this morning -- is to be able to take the time, each day, to do a little of a variety of activities that activate the mind and spirit, much like this writing, just a few minutes, after a much needed walk around JDHS and a circle of the quarter mile on the track with Dancer outside of the fence and not inside the track and the football field, where we marched over 40 years ago and sat in the stands playing our fight songs for the team. 

1 July 2014: Tuesday ... Email on the iPad ... Andrea & dialectical behavior therapy ... Belgium beats US, 2-1, in OT (great game) ... Mom recalling boat trip home

She's learning and yes, I forced her to write a few short e-mails this morning on the iPad, return posts to Mary Picking, Norma Clara Nyhoff, and Lori Jones. It's slow going but she's getting the hang of it and learning the position of the letters on the keyboard. What it does do is take her mind off her symptoms and focus on another activity. When she was writing and composing the short responses, her physical complaints vanished. Now, I'm sure she's still feeling the pain but she didn't mention them. I think that's good. I also entered the cell number of Mary P. and made the phone call before I left for the Y and she had, I believe, a nice conversation with her longtime friend, not an unlikely outcome as Mom 2 is always endearing and connected on the phone.
She asked to sit at my table (the only one by the coffee station in the Y hallway between the youth center and toddler care rooms) to read her book, Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide by Kelly Koerner, one about a form of psychotherapy that uses the word dialectical behavior therapy. Her name, Andrea, is from her French (she knows some but has worked to be fluent and has gained it in Spanish with trips to Barcelona and Costa Rica) mother and it comes with an accent aigu on the "e" and stress on the second syllable "dray" and not the first "Ahn" (phonetic spellings). She is a decade divorced with three kids and is now looking toward graduate school to expand her psychology degree from university. She is also a longtime practitioner of yoga and took the class with Christine, who sang to us beautifully, acapella, at its conclusion, just prior to three chimes. It was rewarding to meet her, she never got to read her book, but I have that effect on people. I'm a talker and am interested in people. I don't give them a break.

Well, the U.S. run in the World Cup is over in a thrilling game where a more talented Belgian team beat the U.S. team in overtime, 2-1. Goalie for the US, Tim Howard, made the most saves ever in a World Cup game. He was extraordinary but he couldn't keep them all out.

Goalkeeper Tim Howard played the match of his life, but in the end the U.S. 

couldn't win against Belgium.Belgium won 2-1 in today's World Cup match in Salvador, Brazil, 

eliminating the U.S. from the tournament. But it could have been worse had Howard not been 

the team's savior in the goal -- recording a spectacular 16 saves. (Just learned in an ABC News
feature that Howard suffered from Tourette's Syndrome as a child and soccer was a refuge, 
raised by a single mom.) 

Mom got to talking today while I watched a segment on the NewsHour, something I wanted to watch but I also listened to her talk about Holland and Doug turning two on the boat and Uncle Dick passing away soon after our boat left Holland for New York, a trip, she thought 4-5 days, but there was a play area which I was hesitant and unsure of and said no to, but they dropped me off there with my walking brother (he started at 9 months) and we were having a great time. Well, as Jeffrey Brown interviewed Evan Osnos of The New Yorker magazine, who has written a book on China, about the 17th anniversary of the turning over of Hong Kong to China (a period of time that I worked as a fill-in photojournalist at The Chronicle, before digital but where I scanned negatives and did not print photos, when the photo-j I replaced went to Hong Kong to cover the turnover). 

Certainly not the boat we took but it may have been Holland Lines. 

But it's good to listen when she talks and recalls, especially when I hurt my ankle in dad's bike, just a few days before the return trip. The wound was open and had to be changed regularly. I still have scar on my lower left ankle. 

21 February 2014: Friday ... Doug to Home Depot for door stop & batteries, among other items ... doin' BodyPump at 10:15 ... photo of Norma with baby cousins in lap ...

Thanks to Doug I now have my gmail up and running again on my iPhone and was finally able to send this old photograph of Norma Clare with her daughter and Lindsay, the two girl cousins, on her lap at the home in Westminster Heath (off Moores Mill Road).

Let's try phrases that illustrate moments during the day, times that are revelatory, that open up a window to a new understanding or sense of human compassion all wedded to a sincere belief that love is the glue that holds all we humans together. I'll list and perhaps, later, connect:

1. She (Zariana -- Doh boh botch neeya - Ukrainian equivalent of the Russian - Dos vee danya) is demure, so frail and lovely in her youth as she waits in line for Body Pump at the Western Y this Friday morning. I recognized her (met her yesterday as I noticed and commented on her accent -- an annoying foible of mine) as Ukrainian with elementary English. I mention the peace treaty between the president, hated by many in her country, and the dissidents. She is doubtful and skeptical about peace and presses her hands to her heart and says that the divisions are so great and that the peace must come from the people and not a written document. I concur, wholeheartedly. Later, during the exercise time, I help her put up her platform as we both go to store ours at the same time.
   
   
   
   
2. The morning airing of Performance Today on Georgia Public Radio's Augusta station, WACG via by iPhone NPR app always enlightens. Today, Fred Child had the conductor of the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra, Bill Eddins, on for the hour to give his personal music choices. They included Bach, Beethoven, Ravel and a surprising choice that he compared to the young genius of Mozart and Mendelssohn. She was the younger sister of the great French teacher of composing, Nadia Boulanger, her name was Lili, and he played an extended operatic piece she composed at age 19 centering on the story of Faust. She died, tragically, of Crohn's Syndrome, at the precious age of 24 on the Ides of March 1918. What a loss to the world of music.
   
   
   
   Lili Boulanger
   
   

   3.  A third and concluding revelation on this day involved the final song of Schubert's Die Winterreise  of "Der Leiermann" and the recording of Hans Hotter, baritone, and pianist, Gerald Moore, and it concerns the playing length of notes and a 1/16th rest. The ultimate artistry of Moore, a favorite of my dad's and the greatest accompanist bar none of the 20th century, is seen as he pauses for that slight moment throughout the song, that 1/16th rest, and the singer, how he holds out the 1/4 notes to their full length. It is so easy to rush but you can't rush the organ grinder in the cold, playing his music and being ignored and unheard. You cannot ignore or hear the beauty of this song, a spiritual centerpiece for dad, especially when Richard Tauber sang it.
   
   

            
   Hans Hotter                                                        Gerald Moore

28 October 2013: Monday, Dad gets his, perhaps, last CT scan with contrast this a.m.; brilliant sun and clear day, squirrel on roof, ...

Called the office (302-366-1200) of Stephen Grubbs, oncologist, and got the voicemail  quite cheery, of the scheduler (Krissy Diehl-Adams) and left a message concerning the appointment date of dad post-CT scan with contrast, which will be done this morning at 10 a.m. in the Helen F. Graham Cancer Center, 1st floor. She called right back and the time is on Wednesday, 10/30/13, at 11:20 a.m. I have included Doug as an "invitee" on my iPhone calendar, so, hopefully, he will be informed about his CT scan (with contrast) and his appt. with Dr. Stephen Grubbs. 

Imaging of Occupational Lung Disease
(http://radiographics.rsna.org/content/21/6/1371/F24.expansion.html)

Visit went well and quickly to the Helen F. Graham Cancer Center (HGCC) this morning. I filled out his paperwork and even signed for him and though we waited a few minutes, I left for the bathroom and when I came back he had been ushered back for the test.

 

They allowed me to wait for him and a short read of a Bloomberg biz magazine and a near snooze and he was out of the door, no worse the wear and we followed the EXIT signs, were outdoors, I fetched the car and we were off. Just spent some time bookmarking Web Resources listed in a pamphlet I picked up at HGCC on lung cancer and just posted on FB link to a X-Plain slide tutorial on lung cancer. A little simplistic but informative. Did not know that one lung, the right, has 3 lobes, and the left one is smaller and has 2 lobes (Did not know that.).

Just got a call from Jamie O'Hara who reminded me that there is a get-together of JDHS grads from '74 who are meeting at a local tavern, Tyler Fitzgerald's (next to Manor Care Nursing Home) , and he'll pick me up at 6:40 p.m. and we'll go pick up of Joe Coen, who wrestled and played football in HS and who is even thinner, as he works out, today than he was in high school. He is tall, Jamie said, and he lives near St. John Catholic school and church but not in Maplecrest.

The Great Fred Comegys receiving honor
at Conrad HS Hall of Fame induction. 

Found the above on Robin Onizuk's FB page and posted this:
It is so good to see Fred Comegys. What a great guy and such a tremendous photojournalist. He was my inspiration as a budding photo-j back in the late 70s and continued to be my inspiration as he won all kind of awards and decided, even though he could have shot for any publication, anywhere, to stay put in his home Delaware and take such wonderful images of so many events and people. A true giant in the world of newspaper photography. Good to see you Fred.
Butch Comegys, senior staff photographer on The Scranton Times-Tribune newspaper, hometown of Joe Biden, coincidentally, ok'd my FB friend request in record time and I messaged him thusly:

Thanks Butch for accepting, so quickly, my friend request. I knew your iconic father when I was just whippersnapper in the photo-j biz. He was an inspiration and I heard so many stories from the man who taught me so much about newspaper photography, Andy Bruce, who worked for the tiny Newark Weekly Post and oftentimes shot assignments with your father. He was in awe of your dad and told me a few amazing stories of how he got the most incredible images. Anyway, good to touch base on FB. I hope you are well and enjoying your work as the senior staff photog in the hometown of our VP, our own Joe B. from Delaware.

All the best, rudy

Had an incredible exchange via FB messaging with cardiologist David Grubbs, younger brother of dad's oncologist, Stephen Grubbs. We had the following exchange which I shared with dad, resting on the bed behind me, who told me about David's visit to him following his bypass surgery almost 20 years ago.

Are you, David, any relation to Stephen Grubbs, my father's oncologist, who works at the Helen F. Graham Cancer Center? And by the way, thanks for liking my photo of my dad and his daughter-in-law. Be well, rudy

55 minutes ago

Stephen and I ARE brothers. He is four years older. Both of us have great memories of your dad's intellectual prowess in being a great diagnostician and nice guy.

Dear David, You are the only one who came to visit my father after his bypass surgery, at least in the cardiology realm, and you are remembered with great fondness by him for this gesture. It says so much and explains your wonderful words, which started to bring tears to my eyes when I just read them to him a few moments ago (he is lying on the bed behind my computer monitor). Thank you so much ... you have given the most touching of gifts to my dad and it touches the heart (literally, in your case, but most importantly, figuratively in the human spirit). All the best to you and yours,

rudy Picked up prescriptions from Pathmark and had great conversation with a great human being and pharmacist, Ed Siracuse, and Daviya (sic), about the move from mom's principal physician -- dad is moving over for Dr. David Maged and trying to determine how to continue and OK the medications and how to get them refilled. He had good and sensible advice. Talk to Dr. Maged to make sure you are on the same page and as I left, with my prescriptions for lisinopril and pravastatin, too, he mentioned that mom's script for metoprolol was on file and all we had to do was call in a refill. Amazing individual ... both love my father and respect him very much.

It is said there is no substitute for experience, and practical experience is exactly what
brothers Stephen (right) and David Grubbs seek to provide undergraduate students
in Purdue’s Weldon School of Biomedical Engineering through the
David S. Grubbs Undergraduate Research Award.

I had shared the misunderstanding I'd just had with dad over paying the Mealey Funeral Home bill as I spoke to Lori Mealey on the phone, which he overheard. Don't need to pay yet, I'm not dead, he said in so many words. But it's a psychological thing, so I will wait to pay even though Doug gave me a check for $4500 for the bill and it's not doing anything in my checking account. I will wait.


Met Ann and Steve and the Bassetts, Kirby and Miss Harriet, at the park at the close of my walk with Dancer. She remembered her name and I remembered the wonderful biscuits they made for Dancer three years ago. So nice to touch base with them again. Such an amazing gathering tonight at Tyler Fitzgerald's (it's well documented on Facebook with lots of photos) of a number, over 20, JDHS grads '74 vintage. Talked a long time with Jean Rahaim (nee Thompson) and grabbed her for a combined photo that she was not averse to. (Had such a crush on her in middle school, she really has matured into an even more lovely person, mother, and wife to a very successful courtroom lawyer ... has a daughter who is an art professor in London, England, who just married, last month, in reality, in a civil ceremony that Jean and her husband attended, a Brit named Jack Shakespeare. So good to see so many older but recognizable faces tonight.

30 September 2013: Monday, Daily Musings & Events In The Day

This will be note taking and an observing register of events during the days, begun one week from the day that I packed, with the able assistance of Nick and Joey, my belongings from 605 Pershing Drive in North Augusta to begin the trek, with a stopover in Johns Creek at the home of my brother, to my childhood home another Drive, one Pickwick in the development of Limestone Gardens, toward the ultimate care of my parents. It began this morning with a chase of Dancer when I met, fortuitously, our neighbor two doors down: 

• Terri, gardener, middle aged retiree, who lives a few doors down on Nicholby, a Delawarean with her accent, a U of D grad who is married to a New Yorker, and has lived in her home for 16 years and feeds two rabbits in her yard. Met her in pursuit of Dancer who'd run away from me before getting in the back door for the rabbit chase and that clarion bark of hers. She told me, wisely, that the female dogs stay close and the males tend to pursue further. I continued to speak with her and within a few minutes, Dancer returned and came right up to me and I took her collar in my hand. Prescient of Terri (sic).
  
  I'd thought that Horizon would arrive between noon and 4 p.m. (they would call first) and then mom told me that she'd received a call from them and that an associate would arrive and was traveling from Hockessin as we spoke. He arrived long before noon.
   
• Tim Kelly, Horizon plumber extraordinaire with a mild, engaging, thoroughly winning
  personality came and quickly diagnosed and fixed the problem of the worn spicket in the backyard. He put the hose on without difficulty and later, so did I. I was shamefaced but he made no comment at my inability to correct the problem. Well, it would have been a big job to replace (e.g., turn water off, drain system, take off spicket - which had been soldered on, he said -- and either turn it a few degrees upward to get a  better angle on it or replace, regardless, would have been a big job for a small item). He had to charge for a visit (a check I wrote, a first for me, in the wrong order -- #499 instead of the next one #498 -- for $49.50. Dad found the mistake and corrected for it in the register, he picks up the little things as his world is circumscribed my the minutiae of existence, it works for him and I am in now way going to challenge, must go with the flow). I was thoroughly delighted with the professional treatment of Tim and called to praise him and then sent an e-mail to the Horizon Plumbing web site.
    
• Watering the lawn now, in 20-minute increments (Dad is concerned about water usage so I cut the time from 30 to 20 and intoned a rhyme for toilet usage. He thought it appropriate and associated with it having shared a similar phrase to me:)
  
  
  If it's yellow, let it mellow;
  If it's brown, flush it down.
  
• I phoned Linda Lucero from UUMSC, who has invited me to a literary light dinner at her home, located near St. Mark's HS, and I phoned her. She called back, told me she's sent an e-mail and we determined that it was incorrect (missing the "1") and she resent it so I could get her e-mail. (Later she accepted my FB friend request, quickly, and commented that she is rarely on the social media behemoth ... I saw bday wishes from last April on her page from a co-friend, Steve Mortensen.)
• Doug has called mom on her cell, it rang as I looked at her and she answered it. He saved Norma V. from calamity by helping clean up for her second adopted dog, Jurgen, who had an episode of diarrhea and dirtied up her apartment. Dad went over immediately with pale and cleaner to help. Next day she was a lot better. Doug "moves immediately", said Dad, and he gets the job done.
  He will be arriving by plane in late October and asked that I pick him up (I'm too busy, I replied, amusingly. Dad might accompany me if he decides not to attend Grand Rounds-- "I get brownie points or CME units. You need 40 points every 2 years to get your license renewed", he said.) 

•  Dad is watching (12:34 p.m.) Cedric the Entertainer as the new host (not as liked as Meredith Viera by my parents) of the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. The first question asks about midgets who protested their lack of inclusion in a movie. The correct choice was Snow White and The Huntsman (The 7 dwarves are: Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Bashful, and Doc). The contestant has answered all the initial questions correct, one being for the Taj Mahal, a place my father has visited and which he mentioned. The question was about minarets over this World History site. 

• The contestant, who was a classical composer - a young, toothsome woman --, missed the $100,000 question about a fly with a "cheap dinner" name. It turned out to be "A" or "reissa roni". The "San Francisco treat" can be found in this 1962 TV commercial on YouTube, of course.
  
•  Joined Angie's List for a yearly membership on the preferred bundle of services. With a promo code reducing the regular $9.99/year, I paid $5.99 for the year. It looks to be a good bargain as each service is often accompanied by a coupon offer for their service.
•  The sounds unmistakable coming from the 2nd floor hallway as I type on the computer. It is my mom moving with effort and a good deal of pain with her walker, the oxygen line trailing behind her. This is her 3rd, count'em, THIRD walk today. She is really walking the walk today and it's a wonderful accomplishment on her part.
  
• Returned to the walking trail (total of 1.74 miles when I got back to the car and turned off -- workout complete -- "YOU DID IT!" --  digifit) off Millcreek Road (saw a white-tailed deer in the woods but only one walking couple, two women, at the end of our trek) across from Delcastle Golf (driving range) & recreation (softball and soccer fields) center with Dancer and went about a mile up the trail and followed the shallow but rock-strewn Mill Creek (took several photos from the bridge) which she enjoyed wading and drinking for a stretch. Got a call from mom on her cell and she asked where I was and that dad was waiting to head to Bachetti's for meals and Virginia baked ham (3/4 lb.) and more Pepperidge farm 7-grain bread, which "we go through quickly". Told her 20 minutes but got back sooner. Tied Dancer in the back and brought her water and then we left. Came back using the path behind the mall with all its disposal units to make a cleaner approach to entry onto a remarkably quiet Limestone Road. Dad mentioned Crossroads and possibly having a dessert there (he has no appetite for entrees but the urge left quickly by the time we returned home to put away the food items). Introduced myself to Kathy at the checkout, who knows my dad so well. He knows most everyone at Bachetti's.
  
• Just got a text from Jamie O'Hara, who had promised to get in touch with a friend who may have a line on a caregiver job. The contact is Jim Jr. at 302-442-4260. He is a man of his word, which I texted right back to him with "Thx". Called and left a message with this Caregivers' business.
  
• Dad walks the hallway with mom's prepared dinner. Deliberately, carefully, and yes, lovingly, to where she awaits in her bedroom, the oxygenator purring and working, tirelessly, incessantly, purposefully for breathing.
  
• Took the 7-question quiz about my life and I signed up on tinybuddha.com for their plan to help one to right their life, get back on a level plain. Here are the lengthy results:
  
  Hi rudy,
  It’s Lori, founder of Tiny Buddha and the Recreate Your Life Story Online Course. Thank you for taking the quiz: How your past holds you back—and how to change it!
  
  I designed this short quiz and created the course because I know what it’s like to live in regret and to feel powerless and stuck because of it.
  
  I spent the majority of my life dwelling on events from the past that seemed unfair, and choices I made that caused me to feel ashamed. 
  
  I obsessed about what should have happened, what shouldn't have happened, what I should have done, what I shouldn't have done, and how everything would be better if I could just go back and change it all.
  In my almost-four years of running tinybuddha.com, I’ve personally connected with thousands of readers, and I’ve realized this is something that many of us have in common: we allow our feelings and beliefs about the past to limit our effectiveness and happiness in the present.
  And even though we want to let go, we don’t know how to live a life that doesn’t revolve around our former pain. So instead, we keep telling ourselves the same old limiting stories—and in the process, live the story of now based on a sad one from before.
• The good news is that we can change how we interpret yesterday, how we view ourselves in response, and how we live today as a result. 
  
  More about that later—for now, let’s get to those quiz results to explore how you’re keeping yourself stuck, and a few simple things you can do to change that.
  YOUR QUIZ RESULTS
  You fixate on mistakes from the past and it’s affecting your self-esteem in the present.

• When you dwell on the past, you focus on things you think you did wrong or things you think you should have done, which ultimately ends up making you feel bad about yourself.
  You spend a lot of time wishing you made different choices, and forming overarching conclusions about yourself based on what you’ve done, as if you’re somehow a bad person and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
  This can cause you to feel inadequate, ashamed, and depressed—not to mention helpless and stuck. Ironically, it can even cause you to continue making the same mistakes over and over again. When you get down on yourself, it’s harder to make self-affirming choices.
  
  A few ways to let go of your limiting story about yourself:
  
  1. Practice self-compassion.
  
  When you start feeling bad about your choices, think of what you’d say to your closest friend if they had your same experiences. Odds are, you’d recognize they did their best based on where they’d been and what they’d experienced.
  
  You wouldn't yell at them, demean them, or fixate on what they could have done better. You’d do your best to help them feel better right now, because you’d know they’ve hurt enough and they don’t deserve to hurt anymore. You don’t either.
  
  It may also help to visualize yourself as a child. Imagine him or her sitting alone in a room, crying over a mistake, and then look right into that innocent face as s/he says, “Please don’t get mad at me. I tried my best, and I just want you to love me.”
  
  2. Reframe your past choices to identify positive things that came from them.
  
  
  
  If you’re convinced that nothing good has come from your choices, you will inevitably see your past through a negative, defeatist lens.
  
  Look back at every choice you’ve regretted, ask yourself, “What good came from this?” This may seem like lying to yourself, as if you’re pretending that something was somehow not painful or difficult.
  It’s not. It’s choosing to find something good in the path you’ve taken. If your actions led to a break up, did that allow you time to deal with issues that you may otherwise never have addressed? If your choices caused you to lose a job, did that open you up to other opportunities that may have been better aligned with your passions?
  
  3. Focus on lessons learned and how they’ll serve you well in the future.
  You can’t go back and change what you did before, but you can be proud of what you do with the lessons that came from it.
  
  When you start dwelling on choices you wish you made or didn’t make, ask yourself: What did this experience teach me that will help me going forward? What insights did I gain about myself that will help me be the person I want to be?
  
  When you focus on lessons learned, you turn a past you might otherwise regret into something ultimately useful for both your present and your future.
  
  I hope these tips have been helpful to you!
  I’ve included the other two quiz results below my email signature, as you may find them useful, as well. If you think someone else would benefit from the insights in these results, please send them the link to the quiz here, as opposed to forwarding them this email or publishing this on your website or blog.
  
  Lori Deschene
  
  
  Founder of Tiny Buddha and the Recreate Your Life Story Online Course
  
  
  
  THE OTHER QUIZ RESULTS
  
  RESULT #2
  
  You’re letting other people from your past have power over you, and it’s limiting your potential in the present.
  
  When you think about the past, you generally focus on your relationships and ways you’ve been hurt within them. You may believe someone else is to blame for everything that’s wrong in your life—that you can’t make any positive changes, and it’s all their fault.
  
  Your thinking often places you in a victim role, and this may even feel comforting, since it allows you to defer responsibility for things that you wish were different.
  
  Giving someone else this kind of power over your life can leave you feeling angry, resentful, and depressed—not to mention stuck and helpless. It may also cause to continually attract unhealthy relationships, since we often repeat the same life experiences until we learn the lessons we need to learn.A few ways to let go of your victim story:
  
  1. Practice forgiveness.
  
  Forgiveness doesn’t require you to condone what someone else did. And it’s not about letting that person “off the hook.” It’s about releasing yourself from the pain of your anger and resentment.
  
  It’s about accepting what happened instead of wishing you could go back and change it—which you can’t—and realizing that you don’t have to hurt in the present just because you’ve hurt in the past.
  
  This may be harder to do if the person or people who wronged you show no signs of remorse. It may help to realize that the person who caused you pain was likely responding to their own pain in a misguided way. If they’ve refused to face what they’ve done, they’re likely still hurting now—but you can choose a different way.
  2. Identify strengths you’ve developed because of your past relationships.
  
  If you focus on everything you think you’ve lost because of your past relationships, you will inevitably feel angry and stuck. Shift your focus instead to what you’ve gained.
  
  If you were abused, have you become more compassionate and better able to help other people who are hurting? If you were neglected, did you become independent and better able to take care of yourself?
  
  This isn’t pretending that what happened was a good thing. It’s choosing to recognize how you’ve grown because of where you’ve been, and appreciating that as a silver lining to a less than ideal experience.
  3. Focus on the good you can do because of what you’ve experienced.
  
  Jean-Paul Sartre wrote, “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.”
  
  Someone else may have hurt you, but you now get to choose: do you pick up where they left off and continually hurt yourself, or do you empower yourself to do something good, not in spite of where you’ve been, but because of it?
  
  Can you use the wisdom you’ve gained to help others who are going through what you’ve been through before? Can you use your insights about people and relationships to form healthier ones going forward?
  
  This thing someone did to you, whatever it was, it can make you bitter, or it can make you better. You get to choose what the past means and where it leads as a result.
  RESULT #3
  
  You’re dwelling on perceived injustices from the past, and it’s disempowering you in the present.
  
  When you think about the past, you often focus on “the bad hand” you were dealt. You may fixate on the unfairness of life and wonder why other people have gotten certain advantages you were never afforded.
  
  Your mindset causes you to see the world through a negative lens, and it prevents you from considering that things may not be happening to you, but for you—that there have been seeds of possibility within many of the circumstances you’ve labeled as “bad” and “unfair.”
  
  This thinking can leave you feeling bitter, disempowered, and depressed—not to mention helpless and stuck. It can also cause you to attract more of the circumstances you continually lament, since it’s hard to create positive situations when you’re caught up in negative thoughts.A few ways to let go of your story about unfairness:
  
  1. Practice acceptance.
  
  In dwelling on events and circumstances you believe to be unfair, you’re essentially resisting what is and what has been, as if you can somehow change it by ruminating on it. You can’t.
  
  Realize that accepting something doesn’t mean you agree with it; it just means you stop fighting it, recognize that it’s beyond your control, and shift your focus to what you can control: what you do right now.
  
  It may be easier to accept when you realize you can still be the person you want to be, regardless of where you’ve been—and maybe even because of it. Some of the greatest “success stories” (and, “success” is relative) revolve around people with humble or less than ideal beginnings.
  2. Give yourself now what you wish you had then.
  
  In lamenting the hand you were dealt, you’re wishing you could have experienced something else before—to the detriment of what you’re experiencing now.
  
  Underneath every specific desire for your past, there’s a feeling you wish you’d felt. If you wish you had more money, you likely wanted to feel unlimited or secure. If you wish you had more friends, you likely wanted to feel supported and connected.
  Proactively choose to provide for yourself now what you wish you had then. Create a sense of possibility by trying something new. Create a sense of connection by joining a club or class.
  
  3. Create a list of ways to be fair to yourself.
  
  Life is not always fair. Some people get more advantages than others. Some people get more opportunities than others. And sometimes, bad things happen to
  
  “good people,” and good things to people who may seem bad.
  
  You can’t change that life isn’t always just, but you can be fair to yourself in the same way you’d be fair to someone else. Start by realizing when you’re hurting yourself by dwelling, and then be fair to yourself by coming back to the present moment.
  
  Recognize when you’re missing out on opportunities in the present by ruminating on the past. Then acknowledge that this isn’t fair to you, and open your eyes to the opportunities you would miss if you didn’t consciously choose to see them.
  
  
  When you focus on doing for yourself
  what you wish the world would do for you,
  suddenly the latter is far less important.
   
• Dad comes down the steps and I ask him what's playing. He can't hear it so he walks closer to the Bose CD player and announces, correctly and quickly: "That's the Andante of Beethoven's 7th Symphony." Then he imparts some remarkable wisdom about Andante, which is "walking pace", and Adagio, which is slower, and then demonstrates his all-encompassing knowledge of Toscanini and the pace he conducted a Minuet in Haydn Symphony #98 (may be the last movement of this symphony, could not located it on YouTube) is far quicker than other conductors do. Well, dad says, the others didn't look close enough at the score where Franz Joseph wrote "Presto" over the Minuet or very quick.
• We all watch, Mom in her room, of course, and Dad up in the TV room with me and Dancer, Stagecoach from March of 1939, on Turner Classic Movies, the critically acclaimed western, directed by John Ford, that made John Wayne, playing The Ringo Kid, a star.
  
  
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  -30-