Hey Susan,
Cut to the quick. Felt closer to you last evening as we talked and I walked Dancer around my parents' (now, my, again) neighborhood. Expected a brow beating for my early morning text to you that day but received nothing of the sort. You have a keen and loving ability to nurture when people need nurturing. It is a gift that you have and will share with many in the future.
I was a f%&k up in our marriage, much of the time, and you can't remake the past, but when I look at the photo of you laughing and mom and Nanny, laughing, from years ago, a picture that I have wedged into the light socket of the library/bedroom of mine, in the corner of the house nearest my mom's bedroom with the constant whirrrr of the oxygenator, I get a warm and fuzzy feeling. You still stir that in me and I want to thank you for our children, again, and for all the times you went to bat for me and stood by me in times of wont (spiritually and emotionally).
As we move forward with our lives and witness the close of others, your presence and yes, I believe, love, still, will gird and fortify my spirit. Last night when we discussed Nick and his future and the upcoming flight to Columbia via Atlanta, I felt that connection, if only through our biological union, our first born.
It felt good and I wanted you to know it and here's to a future of goodness and light and love.
I will remain yours truly and in loving humankindness,
rudy
P.S. Awoke to the final measures of Faure's
Requiem and later listened to the last movements of the Dvorak
7th Symphony. Entirely antipodal in sound but seeming metaphors of life and its end. It could be angelic or fiery. I prefer the latter.
Dropped Nick of at the Delta counter at the Philly Airport this late morning and when I drove back on 95 listened to an emotionally wrenching and wonderful piece, playing now on YouTube in the background, that resulted in my posting the following words on Facebook:
Dropped off my son at the Philly airport after a whirlwind trip, on his part, from Augusta, GA, to Wilmington, DE. He got a lot done and had some meaningful time with family, me included. The grands loved having their only grandson visit and of course, I delighted in some special one-on-one time; however, it happened again, on the drive home from the airport.It's the effect of music on the emotions. They are wedded, bonded seamlessly and it overwhelms. This midday I was listening to my new, favorite radio station out Temple University, WRTI, and the piece "Taras Bulba" by Leoš Janáček (if you have not heard this piece, it is utterly extraordinary and unique, a sound unlike any other) played by his 21st century brethren, the Czech Philharmonic.
Tears flowed by the end of this work and I can't explain it, only experience it.
Later in the day got a call from Elkton, thought it was Mom or Jan, but it was Marli Stam-Schouten calling to see about coming over with her husband Gerrit. They arrived a little later about 4:30 (just as I called they were turning onto Griffin Drive and then Nicholby. I went out, looked up the street and saw their car.) What a wonderful visit from two Dutch natives, still citizens of the Netherlands and NOT naturalized US citizens, even though they have retired and will stay in this country. They are just so neat, especially Gerrit, who claims that he has Asperger's Syndrome. Marli got to know mom and dad from Tony Graziano as she worked at The Fair Hill Inn for years and he knew she was Dutch and introduced her to my dad.
We talked about Tony's daughter (Laura Graziano Farabaugh), a survivor, unlike her mother, of breast cancer (double mastectomy), and I went to Facebook and found her, friended and messaged her. She got right back and sent loving thoughts to mom and dad and how she missed them and wanted to see them soon. Only 37 or so, my parents have know her since 1981 when she was a 1st or 2nd grader. She now has three young children of her own.
