There are some days that just stand out in one's life like your marriage or the birth of your first child that will remain embedded in the memory, cherished and held close for as long as one retains one sensibility and one's humanity. Today was such a day.
It was the final gathering and performance of the spirituals by the combined choirs from First Unitarian of Wilmington, UU Society of Mill Creek, and the UU Fellowship of Newark, where we met on this Sunday, the first of the month of March, a day that was grey and presaged the coming snowstorm that was to arrive that evening and bring snow through most of Monday.
There is a such a vibrant and large group of young people at UUFN. Had a delightful conversation with a young lady with curly hair (not unlike the checkout girl at Bachetti's) and her friend and questioned the electricity of the youth education at the church and all it activities. They referred to their dynamic youth leader (name escapes me but I hope to experience the place in the future with Christine).
I was anxious for the planned date we'd made for the afternoon -- lunch with mom at home and travel to the Delaware Art Museum and possible walk in Rockford Park. It was an ebullient, even though the skies were overcast and it sprinkled a bit, one as Katia followed me to Zoup (then lost me for a bit as we left and she took her hybrid toward Kirkwood Hwy and I exited the torturous parking lot of Millcreek Shopping Center), but we made it to home and mom where she struck up an immediate intimacy (she has this remarkable ability to connect with people). As I entered the house with her and started to prepare the takeout soups and sandwiches on plates, she said let me meet your mother first, since I am a stranger. Not for long. The lunch lasted a while and I took in the conversation. Her most memorable and life-enhancing words dealt with what made Katia, Katia. It wasn't her profession, although that was part of her, but she put being a mother, a friend, and a caring human being ahead of the research scientist moniker. She is amazing.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
22 February 2014: Saturday ... I found Maude Carey or she found me at the Y at the coffee station ("Rudy Nyhoff?") ... dinner at the Farmhouse with Gail tonight ... bowtie bought for annual event starting tomorrow (courtesy Gordon Roth) ...
FROM THE ANNALS OF ADVERSITY: I saw it coming and could do nothing to stop the spillage of many of the pills from mom's 7-day, 4-chamber pill case, all over the floor of my bedroom closet. Oh, the feelings of anger and the words but it was cleaned up easily, especially when the small flashlight, held in my mouth, illuminated corners where a few Vicodin hid, but from this adversity, this pain-in-the-butt accident in the morning led to me finding a nice sweater, something lacking in my wardrobe. From an irritant to a delight, one must see through the anger of the moment and see what light might be revealed by moving forward and taking care of business.
I was accosted, not really, by a woman, who I did not recognize initially, who queried ... "Rudy Nyhoff?" ... at the coffee/tea station in the main hallway of the Western "Y". When I took a closer look, she said her name, ***MAUDE CAREY***. What a revelation this morning and such a joy.
She has been married since just after graduation from U of D to another graduate, Buddy Niedzielski (5 years her senior), and they have lived in the same home in Montclare, just behind Dickinson High School, ever since. The have one daughter, Anastasia, who is a 3rd year med student at the University of Michigan. Her husband is recently retired attorney from the Justice Department, a graduate of Widener, before the era of Professor Hayman. Maude is also a law graduate but did not pursue it. She is in the insurance industry.
WHAT A JOY TO SEE HER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!!
I hold within me hatreds that can come to the surface and it is so difficult to look within and evaluate oneself honestly. I cannot separate from myself, stand away and look back at my actions and determine whether my path is correct. Judgmental is a state that is common in my being and tonight at dinner I displayed it in earnest. Our dear friend spoke of her experience in Australia in a godforsaken town (Oodnadatta, in the Australian state of South Australia) far out in the Outback with a couple hundred residents, far from civilization. I felt she disrespected the Aborigines by calling them "Abos" (sic). What right did I have to play the role of judge and jury. They say you should stand up to injustice and racism, but what do I know of her true intentions. Why do I have to judge?
On the drive home it is so easy to say things that are hurtful but at the time of their utterance, feel so right. Why do we have to feel as though we are so in the right that our own declarations salve our needs but pour lemon on the open wound we have created in our loved one. It is passing fast this life of ours and like the African-American woman minister spoke, so eloquently, last Sunday -- compassion is love's companion, it's most critical and vital one. May it be so.
I was accosted, not really, by a woman, who I did not recognize initially, who queried ... "Rudy Nyhoff?" ... at the coffee/tea station in the main hallway of the Western "Y". When I took a closer look, she said her name, ***MAUDE CAREY***. What a revelation this morning and such a joy.
She has been married since just after graduation from U of D to another graduate, Buddy Niedzielski (5 years her senior), and they have lived in the same home in Montclare, just behind Dickinson High School, ever since. The have one daughter, Anastasia, who is a 3rd year med student at the University of Michigan. Her husband is recently retired attorney from the Justice Department, a graduate of Widener, before the era of Professor Hayman. Maude is also a law graduate but did not pursue it. She is in the insurance industry.
WHAT A JOY TO SEE HER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!!
I hold within me hatreds that can come to the surface and it is so difficult to look within and evaluate oneself honestly. I cannot separate from myself, stand away and look back at my actions and determine whether my path is correct. Judgmental is a state that is common in my being and tonight at dinner I displayed it in earnest. Our dear friend spoke of her experience in Australia in a godforsaken town (Oodnadatta, in the Australian state of South Australia) far out in the Outback with a couple hundred residents, far from civilization. I felt she disrespected the Aborigines by calling them "Abos" (sic). What right did I have to play the role of judge and jury. They say you should stand up to injustice and racism, but what do I know of her true intentions. Why do I have to judge?
On the drive home it is so easy to say things that are hurtful but at the time of their utterance, feel so right. Why do we have to feel as though we are so in the right that our own declarations salve our needs but pour lemon on the open wound we have created in our loved one. It is passing fast this life of ours and like the African-American woman minister spoke, so eloquently, last Sunday -- compassion is love's companion, it's most critical and vital one. May it be so.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
19 January 2014: Sunday ... listening to Word Puzzle on NPR's Sunday Morning Edition ... "Wanda" Lynn, 51-year-old dynamo nurse visits ...
Why bother with writing down momentary thoughts, connections that seem so relevant, so prescient, so worthwhile if one never reads them again ... what is the purpose of memory if they are not shared and revisited. Today has been momentous ... so many treasures from Jane Frelick's entrance into church, a little late, to her front row seat, directly in front of our other nonagenarian, our Society founder (donated the land on which the church was built), Frank MacArtor.
This morning mom had some chest pain after eating all her hot cereal (a first), which I did not thicken too much, and her tea, and then I called Hospice. Spoke to the angelic Kim, who was getting off at 8 a.m. after working the night shift, and she gave my concern to the on-duty nurse, Lynn Boley, who called me twice. Once on her way from Bear and the second when she was at the door. What an immediate humanitarian who hugged my mother, who she did not know, and then proceed to take care of her needs including getting a prescription for an antibiotic for her chest cold (she'd been bringing things up). She also suggested she change into something with long sleeves. The one item was too long so she said, as a sewer, she could hem the garment and bring it back to her soon. Amazing. I have to do something as I'm single (she's been divorced for 20 years, her second, and has two children, one from the first marriage and one from the other, who adopted the other. The children are close.)
This morning mom had some chest pain after eating all her hot cereal (a first), which I did not thicken too much, and her tea, and then I called Hospice. Spoke to the angelic Kim, who was getting off at 8 a.m. after working the night shift, and she gave my concern to the on-duty nurse, Lynn Boley, who called me twice. Once on her way from Bear and the second when she was at the door. What an immediate humanitarian who hugged my mother, who she did not know, and then proceed to take care of her needs including getting a prescription for an antibiotic for her chest cold (she'd been bringing things up). She also suggested she change into something with long sleeves. The one item was too long so she said, as a sewer, she could hem the garment and bring it back to her soon. Amazing. I have to do something as I'm single (she's been divorced for 20 years, her second, and has two children, one from the first marriage and one from the other, who adopted the other. The children are close.)
Monday, January 6, 2014
6 January 2014: Monday,
- I should be noting all the events of this important day for my mother. Have contacted her primary care physician, Dr. David Maged, and spoke to his triage nurse, Donna, who is so invested in her care and she will advise the doctor and have him call later about possible interventions to relieve her shortness of breath and more importantly, deal with her water retention.
- At this typing, Kim, the nurse who was on call over the night of dad's passing and who pronounced him later that afternoon (after just a few hours of sleep), is with her and has been so good. She is such a kind and empathetic person. Taken her BP and says her color is good. She is now attending a possible bed sore on her rear end (I did not want to be present), but more importantly, Kim brought up two critical needs that mom as agreed to. The first is a hospital bed, which she will order, and the second is a CNA, who can assist her in bathing, particularly in the bed, a skill set that I don't even claim to possess.
- I made this post just minutes earlier on Facebook concerning Kim's visit:"Sometimes you don't know where to turn. Mom's in hospice and has had a few rough days. I will forsake the details other than to say she does not have a terminal illness but has chronic health problems that necessitate her being on oxygen 24/7. She is in a delicate state. Well, once again, a savior arrived at our doorstep. She listened to her heart and lungs (clear), took her blood pressure (normal), recommended some steps in her care (both ok'ed by my mother -- a hospital bed and a CNA to help her with bathing), but most and supremely important to her bedraggled spirit was her special gift of time and sincere compassion. It is not easy to listen without giving off the feeling that one has to be somewhere else. As a third party, I listen to a remarkable dialogue between my mother, who I have known most of my life, and a young RN, who she has met her once before (she attended my father the morning of the day he died). This person, whose name is Kim, has gifted us this late morning with more than her time and her medical knowledge, for she left her patient, my mother, fortified in body and spirit.
Thank you so much for this precious sharing." - Like · · Share · Stop Notifications · PromoteKim, who has four boys ages 9 to 2 and two brothers (she's extremely close to her mother), was the RN on duty the last night of dad's life. She came over in the early morning to try to care for him and then, later in the day, was called to pronounce him. Mom met her only at that time and shared amazing stories with this compassionate, empathetic, highly skilled nurse with listening skills to die for, literally. She is in the right profession. Just look at her face, total focus on her patient, my mother. Thank you Kim for your attention, your love and concern.
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