1 July 2014: Tuesday ... Email on the iPad ... Andrea & dialectical behavior therapy ... Belgium beats US, 2-1, in OT (great game) ... Mom recalling boat trip home

She's learning and yes, I forced her to write a few short e-mails this morning on the iPad, return posts to Mary Picking, Norma Clara Nyhoff, and Lori Jones. It's slow going but she's getting the hang of it and learning the position of the letters on the keyboard. What it does do is take her mind off her symptoms and focus on another activity. When she was writing and composing the short responses, her physical complaints vanished. Now, I'm sure she's still feeling the pain but she didn't mention them. I think that's good. I also entered the cell number of Mary P. and made the phone call before I left for the Y and she had, I believe, a nice conversation with her longtime friend, not an unlikely outcome as Mom 2 is always endearing and connected on the phone.
She asked to sit at my table (the only one by the coffee station in the Y hallway between the youth center and toddler care rooms) to read her book, Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide by Kelly Koerner, one about a form of psychotherapy that uses the word dialectical behavior therapy. Her name, Andrea, is from her French (she knows some but has worked to be fluent and has gained it in Spanish with trips to Barcelona and Costa Rica) mother and it comes with an accent aigu on the "e" and stress on the second syllable "dray" and not the first "Ahn" (phonetic spellings). She is a decade divorced with three kids and is now looking toward graduate school to expand her psychology degree from university. She is also a longtime practitioner of yoga and took the class with Christine, who sang to us beautifully, acapella, at its conclusion, just prior to three chimes. It was rewarding to meet her, she never got to read her book, but I have that effect on people. I'm a talker and am interested in people. I don't give them a break.

Well, the U.S. run in the World Cup is over in a thrilling game where a more talented Belgian team beat the U.S. team in overtime, 2-1. Goalie for the US, Tim Howard, made the most saves ever in a World Cup game. He was extraordinary but he couldn't keep them all out.

Goalkeeper Tim Howard played the match of his life, but in the end the U.S. 

couldn't win against Belgium.Belgium won 2-1 in today's World Cup match in Salvador, Brazil, 

eliminating the U.S. from the tournament. But it could have been worse had Howard not been 

the team's savior in the goal -- recording a spectacular 16 saves. (Just learned in an ABC News
feature that Howard suffered from Tourette's Syndrome as a child and soccer was a refuge, 
raised by a single mom.) 

Mom got to talking today while I watched a segment on the NewsHour, something I wanted to watch but I also listened to her talk about Holland and Doug turning two on the boat and Uncle Dick passing away soon after our boat left Holland for New York, a trip, she thought 4-5 days, but there was a play area which I was hesitant and unsure of and said no to, but they dropped me off there with my walking brother (he started at 9 months) and we were having a great time. Well, as Jeffrey Brown interviewed Evan Osnos of The New Yorker magazine, who has written a book on China, about the 17th anniversary of the turning over of Hong Kong to China (a period of time that I worked as a fill-in photojournalist at The Chronicle, before digital but where I scanned negatives and did not print photos, when the photo-j I replaced went to Hong Kong to cover the turnover). 

Certainly not the boat we took but it may have been Holland Lines. 

But it's good to listen when she talks and recalls, especially when I hurt my ankle in dad's bike, just a few days before the return trip. The wound was open and had to be changed regularly. I still have scar on my lower left ankle. 

29 June 2014: Sunday ... Sun streaming through drapes ... apple juice & mandarin oranges ... call & FB messages reunite ... walk to lights of Delcastle ... a new phone calls out

First thought as I decide to get up is "apple juice for mom". She says it helps her be regular, to put it with a modicum of civility, and then I stretch, a bit, and move downstairs and decide, on a whim, to take the big clippers and remove dead limbs from the dogwood on the side. I don't reach all of them but I collect a pile of limp, lifeless tree appendages and then collect them for the yard waste container under the beautiful tree that I don't know the name of. 

Just back from an amazing service by Rev. Keith Goheen, a hospital minister in Lewes, Delaware, Beebe Hospital, I think, who is just a wonderful speaker and intellect. I will copy his memorable quotes (they're on my cell under the Notes icon) later in this blog, but I wanted to say that Lindsay inadvertently called while having lunch with Nick in Augusta at Nacho Mama's. She was in Augusta for the wedding of a friend yesterday and plans to leave today for Chattanooga with Alex, so she has some driving ahead of her. Nice to hear from her when I called her back. 

Marina van Renssen tapes her daughter Kate Nolan as she
sang "All Of Me" by John Legend beautifully in today's service. 

Len Cummings called tonight from Colorado and he talked, pretty much non-stop, so he's good and he has a library nearby and he always amazes with his intellect. He'd love to have a car to get around but he's making it and he apparently has plenty of minutes on his phone, so I'll call him next time.

Received a wonderful FB message from Katia and I responded posthaste. It's a start to rebuilding our friendship and I welcomed her kind words.

Got the new phone working for mom and a few numbers entered and an e-mail out to family and friends with her new number. It's a new type of phone, not a cell phone, per se, but a cellular transmission line and less cost per month -- $20 for unlimited minutes. I think she'll get use to it. Now, to get the land line up and operating. 


A young boy on a bike with training wheels fell over as I approached with Dancer and the father quickly went to his aid and asked whether he was alright. His immediate response: "I caught a firefly." Now, that was a quick riposte to an embarrassing incident. I was impressed and quite amused.

Over a 3-mile walk from home to Delcastle Recreation Area and a dip in the narrow stream and then off leash to try to get a decent fill-flash photo with the iPhone. This was the 4th attempt and it worked to a degree. 

19 May 2014: Monday ... Doctor/Nurse visit from Hospice ... refill bird feeder (Mom's lovin' it) ... Associates at Forwood Independent Living (success ... Thom is back, not singing, yet) ... beer at Tyler's

Gordon and Margaret and the rest of the Associates participate 
in the group sing following our performance at the Forwood Manor Nursing
Care Independent Living off Marsh Road (near Graves Road), negotiated by Joanne's familiarity
of the area with Robbie on this Monday evening. A delightful evening with
participatory elderly who sang the songs and truly enjoyed the visit. 

So, mom loves the bird feeder and asked that I refill the depleted store of seed that had been eaten by mostly small birds and thankfully, no squirrels, to date. And I found a chair in the document room of dad's office and went out the door, rarely used, and set it up under the feeder and refilled it this morning. It was satisfying.

A call, in addition to mom's, just before Body Combat with Renee indicated that Hospice was sending one of their physician managers to do an evaluation of mom along with a nurse, Renee, one of her case managers. I left early to get back in time but they beat me there and I got to meet them in the bedroom -- Dr. Altimuro (sic), tall and muscular and Italian with a New Yorkish accent and the toothsome Renee. It was a good visit and I believe mom will be ok'ed for continued maintenance through DH. The other call, which I did not answer, came from the insurance company and the voicemail detailed that an adjuster would call and arrive in the next two days to check on the claim for water damage in the living room.

I got that call from at Dan Hathaway and he will arrive at our home this Wednesday at 1 p.m.

And I forwarded Composer's Datebook to Larry Stomberg and he responded with gratitude and the need to sign up for the e-mail. It concerned the first performance of the B-Minor Mass of J. S. Bach in this country, the first full one being New York with 500 performers and a full house. There was mention that one director send off to Europe for two oboe d'amores for historic accuracy.

            Oboe d'amore by Johann Wolfgang Koenigsberger,
Roding, Oberpfalz, Bavaria, ca. 1730. 
... the University of Southern Mississippi choirs and the Meistersingers Civic Chorus as they perform Johann Sebastian Bach's Mass in B Minor

A great example of how a simple, mundane exchange can lead to a revelation with a simple comment. Bought two cards -- a birthday card for Lindsay from her grandmother (only card in that category) and a congratulatory missive for Susan on her upcoming marriage -- the cost being $6.28. I asked the cashier, a young lady, whether she could compute the money returned from my $10 bill in her head without looking at the register. She assuredly said "Yes" because she was going to be a math teacher and loved the subject. We shared a few words on the basic and integral nature of math in all of life's endeavors and I mentioned my experience with a good math teacher, who it turned out also was good at spying on me and reporting to the principal but all is forgiven. We do what we need to do for our family and if it means throwing someone under the bus, well, it's hurtful but sometimes necessary. Back to the exchange, it was uplifting, almost exponential in benefit to my spirit.

    

22 February 2014: Saturday ... I found Maude Carey or she found me at the Y at the coffee station ("Rudy Nyhoff?") ... dinner at the Farmhouse with Gail tonight ... bowtie bought for annual event starting tomorrow (courtesy Gordon Roth) ...

FROM THE ANNALS OF ADVERSITY: I saw it coming and could do nothing to stop the spillage of many of the pills from mom's 7-day, 4-chamber pill case, all over the floor of my bedroom closet. Oh, the feelings of anger and the words but it was cleaned up easily, especially when the small flashlight, held in my mouth, illuminated corners where a few Vicodin hid, but from this adversity, this pain-in-the-butt accident in the morning led to me finding a nice sweater, something lacking in my wardrobe. From an irritant to a delight, one must see through the anger of the moment and see what light might be revealed by moving forward and taking care of business. 

I was accosted, not really, by a woman, who I did not recognize initially, who queried ... "Rudy Nyhoff?" ... at the coffee/tea station in the main hallway of the Western "Y". When I took a closer look, she said her name, ***MAUDE CAREY***. What a revelation this morning and such a joy. 

She has been married since just after graduation from U of D to another graduate, Buddy Niedzielski (5 years her senior), and they have lived in the same home in Montclare, just behind Dickinson High School, ever since. The have one daughter, Anastasia, who is a 3rd year med student at the University of Michigan. Her husband is recently retired attorney from the Justice Department, a graduate of Widener, before the era of Professor Hayman. Maude is also a law graduate but did not pursue it. She is in the insurance industry.
                        WHAT A JOY TO SEE HER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!!!

I hold within me hatreds that can come to the surface and it is so difficult to look within and evaluate oneself honestly. I cannot separate from myself, stand away and look back at my actions and determine whether my path is correct. Judgmental is a state that is common in my being and tonight at dinner I displayed it in earnest. Our dear friend spoke of her experience in Australia in a godforsaken town (Oodnadatta, in the Australian state of South Australia) far out in the Outback with a couple hundred residents, far from civilization. I felt she disrespected the Aborigines by calling them "Abos" (sic). What right did I have to play the role of judge and jury. They say you should stand up to injustice and racism, but what do I know of her true intentions. Why do I have to judge? 

On the drive home it is so easy to say things that are hurtful but at the time of their utterance, feel so right. Why do we have to feel as though we are so in the right that our own declarations salve our needs but pour lemon on the open wound we have created in our loved one. It is passing fast this life of ours and like the African-American woman minister spoke, so eloquently, last Sunday -- compassion is love's companion, it's most critical and vital one. May it be so.  

24 December 2013: Christmas Eve ... Tuesday, 16 days after dad's death ... will buy Nintendo Wii today for mom ... look for a Xmas gift to give Stacy (???) ...

In Arthur's recent words: "I had a good day today but I think I overdid it my shoulder hurts a little bit now
I'll be back I promise.   December 21 at 5:51pm via mobile 

Dancer is anxious to go outside in the morning, I take her out the front to do her business

but then she wants to be in the back, checking things out, even if it's dark and chilly, like

was this morning before 6 a.m. when I let her out and took her photo from the diamond-

shaped door window in the addition. It made for a rather bereft look.

 

Plan to check out purchasing a Nintendo Wii today for mom, to hook up to the HD TV. It will need a special connector (about $35) to be able to be HD compatible but well worth it according to the YouTube video that I watched on installing the system.

At the Best Buy near the Christiana Hospital, thanks to salesman Muhammad, or "Mo", as his friends call him, a devilishly good looking young African-American with a great, close-cropped beard, sold me one of the last, HD-compatible, Wii U systems with Mario Brothers. It was not cheap at $299.99 but I got a $25 gift card with the purchase (made it all worth it), which I charged to my Amazon-Chase VISA credit card. I have already presented it to mom and awaits set-up tomorrow on Christmas day. In addition to games, we'll be able to access Netflix through the control monitor. 

Waking up at 4:30 and realizing that you have choir practice in an hour, you need to get dressed (have to have the Xmas tie and suspenders), put out the luminaria, get mom a cup of tea, and drive to UUSMC on Poly Drummond and Paper Mill Roads. It was hectic, especially when I needed to borrow a butane lighter (fantastic device) from C. J. across the way to light my luminaria. It was a challenge and in the end, only 2 of 12 candles in a bag rooted in sand were still lit with the wind and the chill. My walk with Dancer around the neighborhood saw better and lesser success than my efforts. But Twist Lane was particularly beautiful:

A windy and chill Christmas Eve extinguished 10 of my 12 luminaria on Pickwick and Nicholby Drives,
 but the lights fared better on Twist Lane, shielded from the wind.
The Limestone Gardens/Sheridan Square Civic Association organizes the display each year.